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Maraming beses na kitang nilayasan
Iniwanan at iba ang pinuntahan
Parang babaeng mahirap talagang malimutan
Ikaw lamang ang aking laging binabalikan

Manila, Manila
I keep coming back to Manila
Simply no place like Manila
Manila, I'm coming home

I walked the streets of San Francisco
I've tried the rides in Disneyland
Dated a million girls in Sydney
Somehow I feel like I don't belong

Hinahanap-hanap kita Manila
Ang ingay mong kay sarap sa tenga
Mga Jeepney mong nagliliparan
Mga babae mong naggagandahan
Take me back in your arms Manila
And promise me you'll never let go
Promise me you'll never let go

Manila, Manila
Miss you like hell, Manila
No place in the world like Manila
I'm coming home to stay

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I left home. Sometimes I wake up and I still can't believe all the changes in my life. What used to be seems like a vague distant memory, memories of lazy hot afternoons playing games, leaving home at 4 pm on a Saturday just to have coffee with my friends and talk about nonsense (stuff that made lots of sense to us anyway), the relief of being able to get a cab after waiting so long at that one spot in Tandang Sora, or of getting off of an FX when I get to the mall. But when all these moments occur to me in flashbacks I can't help but feel an overwhelming sadness that that part of my life is over with. Don't get me wrong, life now isn't bad, it's just so totally different that I can't help but feel displaced. Even I have changed so much, I wonder if coffee with my friends will ever be the same even if I can actually go home and do that with them. One of my officemates (who isn't even Filipino) is going to visit the Philippines in September. I am SOOO envious, but I won't be ready to take a vacation yet at that point in time. I'm targeting February, but who knows? A few months ago I had different plans for December. Ah, but that my friends, is another story better left unsaid. ;)

I feel there's so much that I wanna say, but that there's no point in saying them. You know that feeling, when you start writing a letter, and in the middle of it you just crumple the sheet and throw it away (or maybe ctrl+a and delete)? Sometimes you just have to accept that there's nothing else you can do. Life has to go on. No matter how many mistakes you make, or how many people you hurt, or how many things you wish you did better, you will always make more mistakes, hurt more people and do things the wrong way. Hey, all of that only proves you're human. You can't help but beat yourself up over it, of course (unless you're such a sh*tty as* with no remorse whatsoever). You mull over your imperfections, wondering why you weren't wired differently. You wonder why you're so incredibly flawed that there is no day that you can miss making a mistake. But the better way is to try and do things better next time. If there ever is a next time. As always, I am rambling again. Focus, focus, as my career coach keeps telling me.

I miss home. Yet, I've sort of made my home here too. Kuya, kaw nalang ang kulang bilisan mo Disney na tayo! ;).