"You broke my heart!"
I sat there in our family library, listening to the beating of my heart in the silence that followed. Does a 13-year old girl have the license to break somebody's heart? At the time, I didn't think of these things. I thought people in their twenties were so freakin old, and those that were older seemed ancient. Younger people seemed so inexperienced, as compared to moi, who had had dozens of crushes, and fallen in love TWICE. Big 2! The first time was with my best friend (who I'm not going to talk about right now), and the other with, well THIS guy, who had just accused me of breaking his own 14-year old heart.
I didn’t know what to say. So the uncomfortable silence stretched on. This was the only room in my house where I could have some peace and quiet, just me, the phone, and the boy at the other line who I was trying to win back. I played with the phone cord, hoping that maybe it could help me figure out what I SHOULD say. I heard a faint sigh from the other line. “I’m sorry. I met someone else.” My mind screamed at me for my own stupidity, and my heart beat loudly with the pain of a thousand regrets. “Are you still there? Do you have anything else to say?” I asked myself the same question. Oh well, time to speak up with whatever futile attempt I could come up with to save face. “Do I even know her?” Great. What the heck was that? “Look, it’s none of your business, ok? I know it’s Christmas and you’re probably lonely and all that but I’ve moved on. You should too. Bye.” I heard a click and then the busy tone.
No. I didn’t cry. I just sat there and stared at the phone for God knows how long, remembering how I even came to break his heart, and mine in the process.
“You look like someone I know.” This was the only opening I could think of. We had met only once, and we had barely even talked, but I was so interested in him I couldn’t stop myself. He turned around and grinned sheepishly at me. *sigh* I loved that grin. It made all the acrobats in my stomach start performing in an instant. “Uh, your name is Allie, right?” Oh God, I thought. He doesn’t even remember my name! “Actually, it’s Alex.” It was my turn to grin sheepishly. “Oh, sorry that’s right it’s Alex. You’re one of Jill’s friends, right?” I turned around so he wouldn’t see my face turn dark just for a moment. I knew he liked Jill, who in fact, wasn’t really my friend. She was more of a friend of a friend. Reynard (my cute sheepish guy), was at this party where he met Jill and me. I turned back to him with a smirk. “Yeah. So, I heard you’re interested in her.” Haha! Talk about blunt. A couple of emotions flashed across his face. At first it he seemed indignant, then confused, then finally, as usual, sheepish. “Well I can’t deny it I guess. Um, so who did you say I looked like?”, he asked. He nodded immediately after I answered, and told me Jill had said the same thing. After that he quickly launched into a narrative as to why he thought he had fallen in love with Jill. This was the beginning of our friendship. Not exactly the best way to go about it, but hey. Beggars can’t be choosers.
I watched the other guys and girls splashing around in the pool. Thank God I didn’t bring a swimsuit, I thought to myself. You see, I was kind of pudgy, and I wasn’t about to let HIM notice it all the more. And as it turned out, I was luckier than I thought. Because, he was also the only one of the guys who didn’t want to have a swim. We sat on one of the tables at the clubhouse, with our sneakers resting on the benches, eating potato chips and drinking soda. I guess we thought we were too cool to sit where it’s proper to. We were sharing one bag of potato chips, so he handed it back to me and grinned, “You know, I was actually hoping I could get to see you in a swimsuit”. I rolled my eyes at him. At this point, we had hung out so much and had had too many long talks on the phone for me to be uncomfortable with any of his lewd remarks. “Ahaha in your dreams Reyn.” He laughed and turned back to watching the other guys. “Hey I’m just gonna get another can of soda from the store ok?” He nodded absentmindedly as I left. When I returned he was busy feeding what was leftover of our chips to a stray cat. I smiled wistfully as I watched him. After a few seconds I snapped back to reality and returned to where I sat before. “Oooh it’s so cute! So, you like cats huh? I didn’t know that.” “Yeah I love cats.” He then looked at me and I just.. I forgot where I was and what I was doing. In that moment I felt like he was telling me, “Let’s move in together and raise this cat.” With just his eyes. The moment was too intense that I had to look away and just stare at my sneakers. “How’s the thing with Jill going?” Crap. Another winning change of subject. He seemed to know the question was coming. “That’s not going so well actually.” Hmm why was he still staring at me? I needed to get back to staring at my sneakers. “It’s just that we don’t seem to have that much in common”, he continued. “Oh that’s too bad, I’m sorry.” He then gave me a smile that I still remember to this day. “Don’t be. Coz I’m not.” There seemed to be something that came after that. But it was never spoken out loud.
-*-*- TBC -*-*-
I sat there in our family library, listening to the beating of my heart in the silence that followed. Does a 13-year old girl have the license to break somebody's heart? At the time, I didn't think of these things. I thought people in their twenties were so freakin old, and those that were older seemed ancient. Younger people seemed so inexperienced, as compared to moi, who had had dozens of crushes, and fallen in love TWICE. Big 2! The first time was with my best friend (who I'm not going to talk about right now), and the other with, well THIS guy, who had just accused me of breaking his own 14-year old heart.
I didn’t know what to say. So the uncomfortable silence stretched on. This was the only room in my house where I could have some peace and quiet, just me, the phone, and the boy at the other line who I was trying to win back. I played with the phone cord, hoping that maybe it could help me figure out what I SHOULD say. I heard a faint sigh from the other line. “I’m sorry. I met someone else.” My mind screamed at me for my own stupidity, and my heart beat loudly with the pain of a thousand regrets. “Are you still there? Do you have anything else to say?” I asked myself the same question. Oh well, time to speak up with whatever futile attempt I could come up with to save face. “Do I even know her?” Great. What the heck was that? “Look, it’s none of your business, ok? I know it’s Christmas and you’re probably lonely and all that but I’ve moved on. You should too. Bye.” I heard a click and then the busy tone.
No. I didn’t cry. I just sat there and stared at the phone for God knows how long, remembering how I even came to break his heart, and mine in the process.
“You look like someone I know.” This was the only opening I could think of. We had met only once, and we had barely even talked, but I was so interested in him I couldn’t stop myself. He turned around and grinned sheepishly at me. *sigh* I loved that grin. It made all the acrobats in my stomach start performing in an instant. “Uh, your name is Allie, right?” Oh God, I thought. He doesn’t even remember my name! “Actually, it’s Alex.” It was my turn to grin sheepishly. “Oh, sorry that’s right it’s Alex. You’re one of Jill’s friends, right?” I turned around so he wouldn’t see my face turn dark just for a moment. I knew he liked Jill, who in fact, wasn’t really my friend. She was more of a friend of a friend. Reynard (my cute sheepish guy), was at this party where he met Jill and me. I turned back to him with a smirk. “Yeah. So, I heard you’re interested in her.” Haha! Talk about blunt. A couple of emotions flashed across his face. At first it he seemed indignant, then confused, then finally, as usual, sheepish. “Well I can’t deny it I guess. Um, so who did you say I looked like?”, he asked. He nodded immediately after I answered, and told me Jill had said the same thing. After that he quickly launched into a narrative as to why he thought he had fallen in love with Jill. This was the beginning of our friendship. Not exactly the best way to go about it, but hey. Beggars can’t be choosers.
I watched the other guys and girls splashing around in the pool. Thank God I didn’t bring a swimsuit, I thought to myself. You see, I was kind of pudgy, and I wasn’t about to let HIM notice it all the more. And as it turned out, I was luckier than I thought. Because, he was also the only one of the guys who didn’t want to have a swim. We sat on one of the tables at the clubhouse, with our sneakers resting on the benches, eating potato chips and drinking soda. I guess we thought we were too cool to sit where it’s proper to. We were sharing one bag of potato chips, so he handed it back to me and grinned, “You know, I was actually hoping I could get to see you in a swimsuit”. I rolled my eyes at him. At this point, we had hung out so much and had had too many long talks on the phone for me to be uncomfortable with any of his lewd remarks. “Ahaha in your dreams Reyn.” He laughed and turned back to watching the other guys. “Hey I’m just gonna get another can of soda from the store ok?” He nodded absentmindedly as I left. When I returned he was busy feeding what was leftover of our chips to a stray cat. I smiled wistfully as I watched him. After a few seconds I snapped back to reality and returned to where I sat before. “Oooh it’s so cute! So, you like cats huh? I didn’t know that.” “Yeah I love cats.” He then looked at me and I just.. I forgot where I was and what I was doing. In that moment I felt like he was telling me, “Let’s move in together and raise this cat.” With just his eyes. The moment was too intense that I had to look away and just stare at my sneakers. “How’s the thing with Jill going?” Crap. Another winning change of subject. He seemed to know the question was coming. “That’s not going so well actually.” Hmm why was he still staring at me? I needed to get back to staring at my sneakers. “It’s just that we don’t seem to have that much in common”, he continued. “Oh that’s too bad, I’m sorry.” He then gave me a smile that I still remember to this day. “Don’t be. Coz I’m not.” There seemed to be something that came after that. But it was never spoken out loud.
-*-*- TBC -*-*-
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