Looking..

It is so incredibly annoying when some person tells you your time is almost up. "Time for what?", you're probably asking. Well, time to find the right person and have little versions of you running around. Yes, yes, it is a fact of life that people (especially women) are constantly looking for that person to spend forever with, (sometimes forever means about 10 years, or several kids, but it depends on what the definition has been for you ;) ). Personally, I've never been excited about the prospect of marriage. Some women have dreamt of this thing their entire lives, parading around in a veil at 9 years of age (at 9 years old I was climbing trees and making mud cakes, so don't be surprised I didn't care about weddings). For some reason, the idea of settling down came up as I was talking to this guy friend of mine. I volunteered the information that someone I knew (whom I will not name, lest she kill me) was told by her gynecologist that her time was almost up to have kids. WTF?!?! That is so freakin' rude! My friend laughed pretty hard though. We were kind of quiet after that for a bit and then he suddenly said, "Hey, YOU have just about 5 years left." I think my eyes just about bulged as I said, "WHAT?! DON'T STRESS ME OUT!" He couldn't stop laughing. Hey, it's not funny. It's freakin' unfair that guys don't have a ticking clock on their abilities to have kids (of course, for as long as they can still perform ;) and that's not even an issue anymore I think). I mean, what if I wanted to travel the world first? Settle down at 35? Ahahahhaa! Guys don't feel the pressure, so they can settle down any old time they want. So I asked him, "Hmm, so should I be scheming now to try and tie down some guy?". "Yes, tie him down, lock him up, and throw out the key!" This statement sent me into fits of laughter (I should point out that this guy and I are in no way romantically inclined towards each other), and I guess I forgave him for stressing me out earlier. *sigh* If only things were as simple as just finding the right person and deciding to settle down in a heartbeat. It seems like when you're looking too hard, you never seem to find what you're looking for. And when you're not looking is when you find something. And when you find something, it's never as simple as "Yes, this is it." As for me, I still have 5-8 years ;). SO QUIT STRESSING ME OUT!

S.O.S. Please Someone Help Me

S.O.S. (Rescue Me)


[Intro]
Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh
You know... I never felt like this before
Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh
Feels like.. so real

[Verse 1]
I'm obsessive when just one thought of you comes up
I'm aggressive just one thought of closing up
You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue
'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you
I'm the question and you're of course the answer
Just hold me close boy 'cause I'm your tiny dancer
You make me shaken up, never mistaken
But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help

[Chorus:]
S.O.S. please someone help me.
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard,
I can't take it, see it don't feel right
S.O.S. please someone help me
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

[Bridge:]
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind it's got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me,
Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

[Verse 2]
Just your presence and I second guess my sanity
Yes it's a lesson, it's unfair, you stole my vanity
My tummy's up in knots so when I see you I get so hot
My common sense is out the door, can't seem to find the lock
Take on me (uh huh) you know inside you feel it right
[CD version:] Take me on I'm put desire up in your arms tonight
[Video version:] Take me on, I could just die up in your arms tonight.
I'm out with you, you got me head over heels
Boy you keep me hanging on the way you make me feel

[Chorus:]
S.O.S. please someone help me.
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making (Y.O.U.) this hard,
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

[Bridge:]
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it ('Cause you on my mind)
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it
This time please someone come and rescue me (someone come and rescue me)
'Cause you on my mind got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me,
Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

Boy, you know you got me feeling open
And boy, your loves enough with words unspoken
I said boy I'm telling you, you got me open
I don't know what to do it's true
I'm going crazy over you,
I'm begging

[Chorus:]
S.O.S. please somebody help me.
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard (are you making this hard for me, baby?),
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

[Bridge:]
This time please someone come and rescue me (someone rescue me)
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind got me losing it ('cause any time)
I'm lost you, got me looking for the rest of me,
Got the best of me (best of me), I'm losing it

[Outro]
Lala lala lala lala Ohhh
Ohh ohh lala lala lala lala
Oh oh

When Life Passes You By

One of my officemates brought up the feeling of just getting your paycheck again and again and you're not even aware of it, and that's when you realize you really ARE a consultant. Because you have no life. That's not exactly true for me. TRUE I don't have a life, but false that my paycheck arrives and I don't realize it. HAHAHA. Everytime my paycheck arrives I lose the nerve to save up all the more. I think it's because I've been feeling kind of depressed lately. Which is why I tend to wake up late on the weekends. And why I lose even more time to spend on interesting things to do. Lately I've fallen out of love with all the things I used to love, like books. I've tried reading 5 books to date since I started working, and have finished 0 so far. And if you're like me, a person with her head up in the clouds, someone who's always been so disappointed about life that she tries to forget about real life by spending half of her time inside those pages, something like this could very well feel like the end of your existence. Or the start of one of the most depressing chapters in your life. OR, maybe your inner self is urging you to move on and grow up. Whatever it is, I hope it's merely temporary. I don't think I can spend the rest of my existence facing the harsh reality of life head-on without the armor of pure, unrestrained fiction.

Today I felt sad about another missed opportunity. I heard my teammates talking about David Blaine finishing up his stunt in the city, which I had first heard of like 2 weeks ago. I vowed to go over and visit the site, but never got to it. I think he finished it today. I KNEW I missed something over the weekend. What a bummer. Well, at least I got to watch MI:3, which I thought I was going to miss. Another interesting 2-minute topic for me and my carpool friend as we head out from another day at work. Sometimes I wonder why I chose this profession. Well, I kind of didn't choose it, it chose me. Just 'coz I wanted to grab the first job offer I had. It gets kinda lonely.

In a suddent burst of effort to fill my otherwise empty life I did a dance class yesterday (after doing tae bo in the morning). The class was pure fun. Jaime, our dance instructor, who was supposed to be teaching basic hiphop, ended up choreographing 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira. Add a joke every 2 minutes and you've got yourself a recipe for a fun afternoon. I'm planning on taking his class every Sunday if I can. The effect of this sudden exciting activity for me (plus changing my luggage setup and carrying two laptops in a backpack all the way to Princeton, New Jersey), has me sporting a very sore back. Ah well. There are some sacrifices you just have to make.

Child of Dune

'I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be NOTHING.

Only I will remain.'