Ka-blog.

Here's to the Mad Ones

2011-12-27T15:14:00.000-05:00

"...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn..."

I have always been, and will always be, a weirdo. It's a blessing and a curse, but as I've grown older, I've come to realize it is really more of a blessing. In elementary and most of high school, this of course meant that I was treated like a loser. Even when I finally found a way to fit in with a few sets of people, I knew there was never a lack of those who kept judging me for being different. In college people usually find they don't care about fitting in with everyone anymore, since they usually find their niche somewhere, and yes, I certainly found friends who loved me for who I was, but it really was only when I moved to NY that I finally completely liked myself for who I am. I mean, sure I still have some insecurities, I am a girl after all (I'm stretching the word 'girl' there a little bit), but overall I think I'm pretty happy with who I am and what I have in life.

I'm not sure there was any one thing that made me seem strange to people. I think it was really a variety of hobbies and traits that led them to think I was not "normal".

First of all, I've always been painfully shy around new people. This has only been cured during the past couple of years, but this problem plagued me throughout my teens and most of my early adulthood. When I talk to my husband about it I call it "verbal constipation", as opposed to "verbal diarrhea". I had a tendency to overthink what I was going to say, and usually ended up not saying anything at all.

As a kid I liked to play like the boys did. I climbed trees and rooftops a lot (to the delight of my parents), although I would sometimes take a Barbie or two with me and pretend they were in a humongous alien jungle. I played with mud and made cakes out of it. I collected marbles. From the beginning I already wasn't your normal little girl. It was difficult to deal with the fact that I had a tomboyish side growing up, but now that I think about it, growing up like that must have instilled in me the idea that whether you're a girl or a boy, or one of those who has the heart and soul of the other, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want, be whatever the hell you want, and love whoever the hell you want (as long as it's legal, of course :P, the world is still working on that third bit).

When people ask me which classic Disney movie is my favorite, my answer has always been "Beauty and the Beast". I find I can relate to Belle the most out of the Disney heroines I've seen, not because I think I'm beautiful but because I used to walk around WHILE reading a book a LOT (even going up and down stairs at school), and because I've always felt like

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned..."

I guess craving adventure is a common side effect to reading a lot of books.

The constant reading was definitely a major factor (I think). At school we had stretches of time (maybe a week out of every year?) when we were expected to speak in English the WHOLE time (even during lunch and recess I believe), and I of course took it seriously since I loved reading books in English, but I think some classmates may have thought I was trying to show off, when in fact I just really loved the idea of speaking in another language, again probably because I loved reading. All of these things further alienated me from prospective friends, but now that I live in the US, when I'm asked about when I moved here and I answer "after college", I always get the amazed look and the question "Why don't you have an accent?". I always remember some of my lonelier childhood moments then and I think it was well worth it.

Don't even get me started about the whole computer bit. We all know geeks don't tend to have good high school experiences. This was a non-issue in college though, when I took up computer science, for obvious reasons. Now, put together a love for books and a fondness for computers and what do you get? Sci-fi. There's no doubt it's a bit difficult to blend in with normal high schoolers when you're a girl who likes sci-fi. Trust me. If you went to a school where this was embraced, I envy you. A LOT. But all this led to my career path now. I'm not declaring myself to be a great programmer, in fact, some might even argue I'm not a programmer at all since I took the easier path, but it sure does pay the bills, and that's definitely something to be thankful for.

If you read a lot you've probably deduced by now that I'm more into the escapist world of fiction rather than (what I think to be) the more intellectual world of non-fiction. So it's no surprise that I love fantasy as well. If you're not into books, think "Lord of the Rings". Another reason I may not have been deemed the coolest. Unfortunately, my love for fantasy doesn't translate to anything great in real life, but it helps me relax when I'm mad at the world, and that's good enough for me.

Now that I'm older, and (hopefully) wiser, I've realized that being normal is boring, and being weird is so much more fun. In fact I found someone to love who is just as strange, if not stranger, than I am. I've found ways to fit in more. I've acquired a better sense of style, I learned to put on decent (non-slutty) makeup, I've traveled quite a bit which I think gives me more topics for conversation and helps with the shyness factor, and I own a variety of boots (boots are cool, exhibit A - Ash). But that's probably all cancelled out by the fact that I found more ways to make myself odd, such as my love for mangas and animes (otaku!) and my part-time obsession with Korean dramas. Yes, I have a lot of hobbies (most of them nerdy), but they make me happy, and I think they give me a better (if stranger) viewpoint on life. Most days, I find it's better than fitting in with everyone else and being deemed "normal".

Falling In and Out of Love with New York

2011-09-24T01:35:00.002-04:00

This entry was influenced by my friend Katie's recent blog entry about New York being an abusive boyfriend and by the fact that I'm spending this weekend in Connecticut at my in-laws, where I can breathe without being worried that someone has terrible B.O. at 9 am in the morning.

I've lived in New York City for about 6 years now. They say time goes by fast when you're having fun, but that certainly hasn't always been the case for me here in the US. My first couple of years here were the most painful. I had no friends, except for my sisters whom I actually consider my friends, I entered into (and thankfully got out of) a very tumultuous and toxic relationship, and I was just plain LONELY. I spent a lot of time chatting with my Filipino friends 'til the wee small hours of the morning, desperate for all the companionship I used to have.

Back when I was still in Manila, there was always a lot of excitement involved when people found out I had plans to move to the US and work here. I heard plenty of comments about how I'd probably be making a lot of money soon, and many made it obvious how envious they were. There was some talk about what I'm going to miss about the Philippines, but neither those, nor my sister who always sounded like she was about to cry whenever she called home at Christmas time, could prepare me for how empty life could be here if you don't make an effort to make it exciting. That's what I think it really takes to love New York, a LOT of effort. Either that or don't live here and just visit every once in awhile and fall in love with it through watching movies and TV shows.

That's me holding a Jack & Coke haha.

After gaining some friends and getting my own apartment I started caring about the city more. I ditched my crazy idea of moving to Hawaii and living as a surfer chick (I didn't think it out enough to figure out what I was supposed to do to feed myself) and planted some roots in NYC. I partied pretty hard during this time, and it wasn't at all strange to find me getting home at 4 am on a weekday. My goal back then was just to have fun, so I let my friends drag me all over the city without even trying to figure out where the heck I was. If you ask me now what neighborhoods I visited then, I wouldn't be able to answer you. This was my honeymoon stage with the city, which lasted... about a year? Haha. Then the subway took over 2-3 hours of my everyday life and made me want to start strangling people.

For most of my past few years here I've looked forward to every chance I got to leave the city and all its insanity. Every out of town trip was like a breath of fresh air to a person who's been working in a coal mine all day. I retreated more and more into my shell (also known as my apartment), and went out less and less. Why go out and deal with crazies? The only crazy people in my apartment were me and my fiance/husband, and I was pretty fond of those two. Don't get me wrong, I still went out a decent amount, I just don't think I was going out enough for a person in her mid-twenties. This time around, it wasn't at all strange to find me in bed by 10 pm on a weekend.

I can't pinpoint any one thing that influenced me to start my Not Bored in NY blog. It could've been the quote I've read many times at the path train station near what used to be the World Trade Center and what is now the September '11 Memorial: "If you’re bored in New York, it’s your own fault. Something’s always happening". It could've been that I wanted a break from weeks of being a couch potato. It could also be that I was just really bored, and wanted NOT to be. :) Whatever it was, I'm thankful for it, because it reminded me of why I love this city. In most neighborhoods, you can LITERALLY find something interesting at every corner, so why stay home and miss out? Like I said, it takes effort, but in the end it's definitely worth it. I could write on and on about why it is, but that would make this entry into a book. That's what my other blog is for ;).

I've never been happier to be living in NYC, or more in love with everything it has to offer. Sure, I still sometimes rage inwardly at all the annoyances, but for the most part, I really do heart this city.

This is me at work....

2011-09-22T12:40:00.000-04:00

I've posted this before, but 5 years later, it still shows how I feel about my line of work. *sigh*

Why wasn't I born with a single artistic bone in my body so I can dream of doing something other than programming?

It's Aliiiiiivve!!!

2011-09-21T22:29:00.000-04:00

Your ka-blog is now 5 years older, and so are YOU.

I'm resuscitating this blog :). It's just easier for me to keep track of all my stuff on one medium.

My last post here was in 2006. I'm hoping I'm a bit more grown-up now (for the most part), so if any of you are super curious and start reading my old entries, know that they were the musings of someone 5 (or more) years younger. It's still fun to look at back at what I was thinking back then, but if some of the posts are too dumb, emo or offensive, I'm chalking it up to youth or inexperience.

My main blog will probably still be Not Bored in NY but I figured it'd be good to have one for random stuff that have nothing to do with New York or traveling.

To any new readers, welcome!

I HAVE MOVED

2006-09-18T11:22:00.000-04:00

http://ashkyutey.multiply.com

Fear of Pain

2006-08-18T00:56:00.000-04:00

"Pain leads us to make bad decisions. The fear of pain is just as bad a motivator." - House

The Brooklyn Bridge

Break Muna

2006-08-05T20:50:00.000-04:00

Today I was planning on going to 2 dance classes, one after the other. But 5 minutes before my Beginner's Breakin' class ended I was ready to lie down and die of exhaustion. It was so worth it though! Looks like I'm moving my dance class to Saturdays..

After the class, I didn't feel like going home since the sun was out and it wasn't too hot. So I walked around Central Park for around two hours. During the winter I'd had this one walk around the park and realized how beautiful it was. I walked around again, it's summer this time of year, and I realized it was just as beautiful...

Chapter 23

2006-08-02T22:55:00.000-04:00

Starting a new chapter in your life is always scary... and exciting :). There's never been a more appropriate time for me to say, I AM STARTING A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE. Plus, I just turned 23 today (oo dagdag lang yon). My birthday festivities actually left me really tired, plus it's been weeks since I've been able to sleep well, so I wanted to go directly to bed. But I just can't ignore all the people that have greeted me a happy birthday. Last night I wanted so much to sleep like a log, and instead text messages were arriving nonstop from people greeting me. Thanks to everyone! What a way to realize I'm very much loved. :)

We ate at 'The Water Club', a restaurant overlooking the East River. It was beautiful, the food was great, and dessert was great (even the dessert wine was wonderful, and yes, recently I've been appreciating wine a lot). After dinner a little walk over to the bus stop gave us a great nighttime view of the other side of the river (also known as Queens). The area reminded me of Makati, with a flyover, some Christmas lights in August, and the heatwave making it feel so much like I was back home.

My sister gave me something I've been dreaming of for quite awhile: My very first Tiffany & Co. jewelry. Thanks ate!

I thought I was going to have a lot to talk about, but I'm pretty beat. I think this song encompasses what I'm feeling though... read on...

UNWRITTEN

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way

oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live you life with arms wide open
Today is where you book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
the rest is still unwritten

Overhaul

2006-07-29T17:24:00.000-04:00

This blog is quickly becoming too cute and pink for my taste. Don't get me wrong, cute and pink is ok, but now it's time for an overhaul.

When I will HAVE the time for the overhaul is beyond me.

Right now I'm supposed to be working, instead of deciding what color scheme my blog should have. ARGH.

I'm over at my sister's apartment, not even sure if I should go home. The minute I go home I might start watching my FRIENDS dvds.

What am I doing nowadays? I'm currently deciding what I'm supposed to be doing... (huh?) Several choices have come up:

1. Join a book club
2. Dance more often (and by often I do not mean once a week)
3. Brush up on ColdFusion, give up my 'blogspot' and actually create a website that is MINE.

The problem with choice number 1, no matter how nice it may seem, is just that I'm still kind of scared of meeting people who are much TOO intellectual for my tastes. I do read, and I like a good conversation about a good book. But that may be a little too much for me.

Choice number two is not so bad except that I only have the weekends to do it, and I've decided I will never say no to anyone that I know who's asking me to go to the city and have fun. This only means Friday nights are pretty much down the drain.

Choice number three is kind of scary. Giving up 25 bucks a year means I actually have to do it, no excuses. And it's not like a zillion people are reading my blog, hello? I created my first website in sixth grade. Back then it seemed like an amazing thing, but I spent most of my free hours on it. *sigh* There's just so much other stuff to do. I'm not in sixth grade anymore.

Thanks. :)

2006-07-26T19:17:00.000-04:00

Recently a lot of people have been sending me messages asking if I'm ok. Probably because my last entry seemed to indicate that I was going insane. :)

Monday morning I woke up every hour from 1 am to 4 am, trying to decide whether I had the strength to go to work or not. I had not packed my stuff yet, and at about 4:30 I knew I had to decide, because I had to be out the door before 6 am to get to work. The only thing that had kept me from grabbing a knife and stabbing myself over the weekend was the fact that I was around so many people. If I stayed home, it would only be me and the dog. So, I grabbed a knife, stabbed a loaf of bread, had breakfast, and sped off to work. :) The decision to live. All in a day's work.

Saturday my sister told me people had different ways of getting over their problems. Some people had to get to their lowest point before deciding to move on. I don't think I ever really got to that lowest point, and I don't think I wanna know how that would have gone. I think the major thing that made me decide was a text message from my sister practically screaming at me to get over myself. It actually worked. Santong paspasan itoh.

So now I'm ok. I want to thank all the people who asked me how I was, and my sister, who I think would have slapped me if she thought it would give me some sense. ;P.

It's funny how different parts of your life can be at such extremes. Over the past month I think I've been blatantly called stupid about five times. BUT. At work I've been asked to look over more senior people's stuff so many times, one of them actually half-jokingly suggested that I should review their documents before they're passed on to our Technical Lead. The person who suggested this has been working in IT for more than 8 years. One of the smartest people I know nowadays told me he thought he was quite analytical, but that I was even more so. *sit back, relax* Ahh. Life is still good. We had a good laugh when I commented that I wish I was quite as analytical in all parts of my life. :D

Ok I've run out of trying-to-be-witty things to say. Time for some TV! Have a great day everyone :).

Somebody Save Me

2006-07-23T22:23:00.000-04:00

At 22 years old, I am experiencing my first, real heartbreak. My sister commented that I'm such a late bloomer. Yes, I accept it. I don't know if this is the best time to deal with this kind of thing, but I guess life deals you all kinds of things and they will never really happen when you expect them.

At first I wanted to keep it to myself. I wanted to tell no one of the slow, fiery pain. Least of all the people who I really needed to tell, or those who deserved to know. The first person I completely opened up to about it felt like a total stranger to me. I guess when you don't really care what someone thinks, it is then that you can expose what you are most ashamed of, and know that there is little to no chance of ever regretting the confession.

I tried to hide it, even from you. I told myself you shouldn't know how torn I am. But the haze of pain that has unrelentingly engulfed me these past few days slowly took on its own life. I couldn't hide it, so I finally turned to the people closest to me, and tried to draw on their strength. They have helped, in a way, but other people can only do so much for you, especially when it seems like you do not want to help yourself. I have come to the point wherein I keep wondering why my heart is still beating. I ask God to be the one to stop it completely, because I do not have the courage to do it myself. He seems to have other plans, because somehow, I am still functioning.

I wake up in the middle of the night. Always. Sometimes sobbing, sometimes tired of the nightmares, sometimes to a dull ache in my chest that does not seem to want to stop. Sometimes I find people who are willing to try and comfort me out here in cyberspace. They tell me of their own pain, that there is no escape, and that the only way to get past it is to ride it out til the end. My brother tells me I am in the 'Bargaining' stage. I am scared that I am still in 'Denial', which only means it will take even longer for me to finally feel normal again. Right now I don't know how to function. I try to be around people, just because I will be alone again for the rest of the week, and I guess I want to soak up the feeling of not being alone, even though as I lie on the sofa just listening to everyone else make their everyday noises, I still feel like I am in my own bubble, and nobody can get to me, nobody can help.

I don't know what to do anymore, which is why I've started writing about it. I need to let it out, but I cannot expect people to just be there for me throughout the night.

I walk around with a heavy weight, so heavy I feel like I am an ant, carrying something ten times my own weight. As I go throughout the day feeling this heavy, I keep wondering how people can still be moving about. What I have gone through is probably without a doubt one of the lesser sorrows any person has ever gone through. And yet, I feel like I just want the world to end. Most of the people around me, especially those who are older, have probably gone through hell and back in their own lifetimes, and I keep thinking, "How can they still be here, laughing, buying shoes, complaining about the weather, watching a movie?" Can human beings actually be this strong? Apparently, they are.

I do not know how to end this entry, or this pain for that matter. People tell me it will, on its own. I wish I had a remote so I can fast forward my life, but I guess the only way to learn life's lessons is through experience. And without experiencing this I would not have been complete.

Kababawan

2006-07-22T11:14:00.000-04:00

For the first time this week I actually had a pleasant dream. One of the shallowest dreams I've ever had in a long time, but it was actually worth more to me than a lot of better things that have happened to me recently.

I dreamt I was in a school bus, sitting beside a little girl, no more than a 3rd grader. The bus was full, and I was trying to play Freddie (my mp3 player) and transmit to the bus radio. Suddenly the bus driver commented that my music sucked, and the whole bus load of people actually agreed. They switched to some crummy station. For some reason I felt extremely bad. The little girl beside me rolled her eyes as if to say 'Who cares about them? They have no idea what sounds great. We are the only cool persons in this bus.' She picked up one of my earphones and started listening to Freddie with me. A slow grin started to spread on my face. Then somebody was knocking on my door saying "Ash, gising na." Urgh. My first pleasant dream in a week and I have to wake up.

"Na nakakatakot, lalo na kung collor yellow..."

Good Luck

2006-07-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

Good luck sa lahat. Sa lahat ng nagmamahal. Minsan talaga, mawawalan ka ng pag-asa. Pero sabi nga ng isa kong kakilala, 'It's all part of the game.' Pag inisip mo rin, napakadami mong blessings, na nakakalimutan mo kapag may malaki kang problema. :) You've wasted enough time, why waste more? Isang century lang or less ang buhay nating lahat. Napakahirap na nang ibalance ung natitira mong oras sa mga bagay na gusto mong gawin, iwawaste mo pa sa pagmumukmok? :). Kudos sa lahat ng malalakas na tao diyan, hayaan niyo, in the end, it will all be ok. If it's not ok, it's not the end. :)

Wala akong oras recently. Binalanse ko sa pag figure out ng buhay kong nalolost, trabaho, and mga bagay na walang kwenta. Kaya siguro di nako nakapagsulat. Pasensya na at wala akong pasensyang mag-ingles ngayon. Siguro kasi, nakakamiss ang sariling lengwahe kapag puro kano ang kausap mo. Not na olats sila, but sa totoo lang, nakakamiss tlga ung komportableng komportable ka sa kausap mo di ba? Walang imbento, walang kunwa-kunwari, puro katotohanan. Ang totoo, alam kong nagkamali ako sa maraming bagay recently. Pero alam ko rin na I've been trying my best, yun naman ang importante di ba? Ang mga nangyayari sa buhay parating may rason, at unti-unti kong narerealize ang mga rason kung bakit nangyari ang mga bagay sa buhay ko. Ang alam ko lang, buhay pako. 'Live to Tell' ika nga. At mrami akong kilala na, they have lived to tell the part of their lives na feeling nila, di nila malalagpasan. Anlaki ng respeto ko sa mga taong ito ngayon, saludo ako sa inyo mga pare at mare. Dahil andyan kayo, may mga tao na dumadagdag who can also 'Live to Tell', dahil andiyan kayo para sabihin na.. 'Hoy. Gising.'

Ok na ok ako sa trabaho ngayon. Sa totoo lang, d ko maimagine na ako si Ash dati, walang pakealam sa aral at nagyayayang manood ng sine halos araw araw, lalo na kapag ang class ay 'German' "Ich liebe dich"? Hehehehe. Napapansin kong may sense pala ang pagka-CS ko sa UP, kahit na akala ko dati gusto ko nalang tulugan si Sir Quiwa. Sir, salamat sa inyo, ang bilis ko matuto. O baka naman dahil magaling lang talaga pamilya ko :). Sa tingin ko, pareho HAHAHA. 'Sex? Baka isulat niyo, ALL THE TIME.' HAHAHHAA. Dabest tlga si Sir Quiwa. Kala mo tutulugan mo na biglang hihirit ng kung ano. Sir, lolo na kayo, but then again, dahil don nakinig ako sa Hashing functions niyo. :) Hindi ko na matandaan pero sa tingin ko nagkasense naman. Gumradweyt naman ako di ba?

Kanina kumain kami ni ate alet sa isang kainan dito lang malapit sa kanila. Naalala ko yung 'Likha Diwa'. Singkwenta ang kape, pero masarap at hindi na makatulog si best matapos uminom. Ngayon nga lang, hindi kape ang ininom. Pero ok lang, parang tumatanda na ang pakiramdam ko. Medyo may kick na ang inumin. (ulet. at hindi na dahil cool lang.) Malapit na bedey ko. Ang sabi ng Diyos, 'Iha, oras nang tumanda ka.' Sa tingin ko nga. Kahit papano, salamat sa Diyos, naisip niyang patandain nako (wala pa namang puting buhok, salamat naman).

Naisip ko nang yakapin ang buhay ko ngayon. Dati kasi, pakiramdam ko, hindi pa ako makapaniwalang andito ako, at hindi ko rin alam kung gusto ko bang tanggapin na makikibagay ako sa mundo dito. Pero pinili ko ito e. At kahit pa, mahirap makibagay, binigyan ako ng pagkakataong patunayan na kaya ko. Sa tingin ko naman, napatunayan ko e. Kaya, kudos sa sarili ko bwahaha.

Hay. Kaantok ah. Kapagod umuwi. But it's good to be home. In a way.

Good night world.

Set You Free

2006-06-15T22:39:00.000-04:00

We often fool ourselves
And say that it's love only
Cause when it's gone we end up being lonely
So how are we to know that it just isn't so
That we just have to let each other go

There were many times
When we shared precious moments
But later realized they were only stolen moments
So how are we to know that it just wasn't so
That we just had to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean I really have to set you free

Each day we meet my love for you
Keeps growing stronger but everytime we meet
Makes leaving you so much harder
So how are we to know
That this just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go

Letting go is not an easy task
When smiling feels like I must wear this lonely mask
It hurts deep inside
And I just cannot hide
That there's anguish at the thought
That we should have to part

What Everybody Knows

2006-06-03T21:26:00.000-04:00

Aww..

I know you're wondering
What this is all about
Candles and champagne
dinner is all made out

I wanted this night
to be perfect for you
It's gotta be right
for what i'm gonna do
So baby sit down
and open youre heart to me

Girl, it's time you know
What everybody knows
To say the words I feel
To tell you what is real
and let my feeling shows
The whole world knows it's true
I'm so in love with you...
Baby look at me
and in my eyes you'll see
What everybody knows

It seems like a lifetime
Girl since i met you
And from that first moment
Deep in my heart I knew
That someday I'll be
where I'm standing today
Touching your body
kissing your face
Holding the dreams
that's finally coming true

Baby look at me
And in my eyes you'll see
What everybody knows...

Looking..

2006-05-31T21:20:00.000-04:00

It is so incredibly annoying when some person tells you your time is almost up. "Time for what?", you're probably asking. Well, time to find the right person and have little versions of you running around. Yes, yes, it is a fact of life that people (especially women) are constantly looking for that person to spend forever with, (sometimes forever means about 10 years, or several kids, but it depends on what the definition has been for you ;) ). Personally, I've never been excited about the prospect of marriage. Some women have dreamt of this thing their entire lives, parading around in a veil at 9 years of age (at 9 years old I was climbing trees and making mud cakes, so don't be surprised I didn't care about weddings). For some reason, the idea of settling down came up as I was talking to this guy friend of mine. I volunteered the information that someone I knew (whom I will not name, lest she kill me) was told by her gynecologist that her time was almost up to have kids. WTF?!?! That is so freakin' rude! My friend laughed pretty hard though. We were kind of quiet after that for a bit and then he suddenly said, "Hey, YOU have just about 5 years left." I think my eyes just about bulged as I said, "WHAT?! DON'T STRESS ME OUT!" He couldn't stop laughing. Hey, it's not funny. It's freakin' unfair that guys don't have a ticking clock on their abilities to have kids (of course, for as long as they can still perform ;) and that's not even an issue anymore I think). I mean, what if I wanted to travel the world first? Settle down at 35? Ahahahhaa! Guys don't feel the pressure, so they can settle down any old time they want. So I asked him, "Hmm, so should I be scheming now to try and tie down some guy?". "Yes, tie him down, lock him up, and throw out the key!" This statement sent me into fits of laughter (I should point out that this guy and I are in no way romantically inclined towards each other), and I guess I forgave him for stressing me out earlier. *sigh* If only things were as simple as just finding the right person and deciding to settle down in a heartbeat. It seems like when you're looking too hard, you never seem to find what you're looking for. And when you're not looking is when you find something. And when you find something, it's never as simple as "Yes, this is it." As for me, I still have 5-8 years ;). SO QUIT STRESSING ME OUT!

S.O.S. Please Someone Help Me

2006-05-14T12:26:00.000-04:00

S.O.S. (Rescue Me)

[Intro]
Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh
You know... I never felt like this before
Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh
Feels like.. so real

[Verse 1]
I'm obsessive when just one thought of you comes up
I'm aggressive just one thought of closing up
You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue
'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you
I'm the question and you're of course the answer
Just hold me close boy 'cause I'm your tiny dancer
You make me shaken up, never mistaken
But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help

[Chorus:]
S.O.S. please someone help me.
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard,
I can't take it, see it don't feel right
S.O.S. please someone help me
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

[Bridge:]
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind it's got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me,
Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

[Verse 2]
Just your presence and I second guess my sanity
Yes it's a lesson, it's unfair, you stole my vanity
My tummy's up in knots so when I see you I get so hot
My common sense is out the door, can't seem to find the lock
Take on me (uh huh) you know inside you feel it right
[CD version:] Take me on I'm put desire up in your arms tonight
[Video version:] Take me on, I could just die up in your arms tonight.
I'm out with you, you got me head over heels
Boy you keep me hanging on the way you make me feel

[Chorus:]
S.O.S. please someone help me.
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making (Y.O.U.) this hard,
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

[Bridge:]
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it ('Cause you on my mind)
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it
This time please someone come and rescue me (someone come and rescue me)
'Cause you on my mind got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me,
Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it

Boy, you know you got me feeling open
And boy, your loves enough with words unspoken
I said boy I'm telling you, you got me open
I don't know what to do it's true
I'm going crazy over you,
I'm begging

[Chorus:]
S.O.S. please somebody help me.
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard (are you making this hard for me, baby?),
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

[Bridge:]
This time please someone come and rescue me (someone rescue me)
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it
This time please someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind got me losing it ('cause any time)
I'm lost you, got me looking for the rest of me,
Got the best of me (best of me), I'm losing it

[Outro]
Lala lala lala lala Ohhh
Ohh ohh lala lala lala lala
Oh oh

When Life Passes You By

2006-05-08T18:59:00.000-04:00

One of my officemates brought up the feeling of just getting your paycheck again and again and you're not even aware of it, and that's when you realize you really ARE a consultant. Because you have no life. That's not exactly true for me. TRUE I don't have a life, but false that my paycheck arrives and I don't realize it. HAHAHA. Everytime my paycheck arrives I lose the nerve to save up all the more. I think it's because I've been feeling kind of depressed lately. Which is why I tend to wake up late on the weekends. And why I lose even more time to spend on interesting things to do. Lately I've fallen out of love with all the things I used to love, like books. I've tried reading 5 books to date since I started working, and have finished 0 so far. And if you're like me, a person with her head up in the clouds, someone who's always been so disappointed about life that she tries to forget about real life by spending half of her time inside those pages, something like this could very well feel like the end of your existence. Or the start of one of the most depressing chapters in your life. OR, maybe your inner self is urging you to move on and grow up. Whatever it is, I hope it's merely temporary. I don't think I can spend the rest of my existence facing the harsh reality of life head-on without the armor of pure, unrestrained fiction.

Today I felt sad about another missed opportunity. I heard my teammates talking about David Blaine finishing up his stunt in the city, which I had first heard of like 2 weeks ago. I vowed to go over and visit the site, but never got to it. I think he finished it today. I KNEW I missed something over the weekend. What a bummer. Well, at least I got to watch MI:3, which I thought I was going to miss. Another interesting 2-minute topic for me and my carpool friend as we head out from another day at work. Sometimes I wonder why I chose this profession. Well, I kind of didn't choose it, it chose me. Just 'coz I wanted to grab the first job offer I had. It gets kinda lonely.

In a suddent burst of effort to fill my otherwise empty life I did a dance class yesterday (after doing tae bo in the morning). The class was pure fun. Jaime, our dance instructor, who was supposed to be teaching basic hiphop, ended up choreographing 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira. Add a joke every 2 minutes and you've got yourself a recipe for a fun afternoon. I'm planning on taking his class every Sunday if I can. The effect of this sudden exciting activity for me (plus changing my luggage setup and carrying two laptops in a backpack all the way to Princeton, New Jersey), has me sporting a very sore back. Ah well. There are some sacrifices you just have to make.

Child of Dune

2006-05-07T10:05:00.000-04:00

'I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be NOTHING.

Only I will remain.'

Guy Talks Girl

2006-04-27T23:26:00.000-04:00

A Venture in the Woman’s Mind

Bakit palaging ganyan ang mga lalaki. Sa una, sobrang sweet and sobrang caring. Palibhasa kasi bago palang kayong nagkakilala at kapaan pa raw ng pagkatao. Kelangan siguro magpakita ng impression na super interested sila sa girl kaya gagawin lahat, susuporta din sa lahat. Kailangan pa bang I-fake ang first impression? Bakit? Ibig sabihin ba nun ay hindi talaga sweet, charming and nice ang mga lalaki? Hay naku… Malay ko ba sa kanila. Tapos kapag napansin na, maslalo magiging sweet dahil may iba na silang gusto sayo eh. Hindi papayag yun na friends lang talaga kayo lalo na kapag interested siya sayo. So bubuntot-buntot siya sayo na parang aso at wala nang ibang sasabihin kundi oo sa mga gusto mong gawin. Kahit magkabilang mundo ang mga tirahan ninyo ay hihintayin ka niya at ihahatid sa bahay each and every day. Awww… So sweet. Alam niyang sobrang busy ka dahil sa school… or dahil sa work… pero pupuntahan ka pa rin niya. Sasamahan ka parin niya at tutulungan ka pa nga niya sa mga ginagawa mo. Kahit maging utusan siya for the day. Kahit madaling araw na siya umuwi. Ok lang. It’s all for you naman kasi nun eh. Hay nako… ang sarap talaga isipin. Ang sarap magreminisce sa mga times na ganun ang guy.

Shempre sobrang naimpress ka sa kanya diba so ibibigay mo na ang iyong “OO” at sasagutin mo na ang tanong niya na “will you be my baby?” Sobrang saya talaga! Dahil alam mong may nagmamahal sayo at alam mo na parati siyang nandiyan para sayo. Shempre masasanay ka na kasama mo siya everyday. So hahanap-hanapin mo siya. Text jan, tawag doon, of course hindi ka naman iiwanan nun sa ere noh! So pagtext mo, reply kaagad yun! Tatakbo kaagad yun papunta sayo! Parang alipin na tinawag ng kanyang master. Magkasama na kayo ulit! Yehey! Kumpleto na ulit ang araw mo! Buo na ulit ang buhay mo! Everyday magkasama kayo, every night magkadate kayo. Basta break mo, andun siya. Of course in return, ibibigay mo na rin ang konting part ng sarili mo sa kanya. Kahit pagod ka na dahil sa busy mo na araw, you will still find time to catch the last full show with him. Kahit pinapagalitan ka na sa bahay dahil hindi ka na nakikita. Kahit 12 am ka na umuuwi dahil galing kayong dalawa sa mall, ok lang. Magkasama kayo eh. Nothing is more sweeter and more fulfilling than that. Kapag birthday ng pinakamamahal mong boyfriend ay ilang oras kang iikot-ikot sa mall para lang makita ang Perfect gift. Baller ID? New Shirt? Shoes? Basta lahat ng naiisip mong bagay iregalo sa kanya. Hihilingin mo rin minsan na sana ay milyonaryo ka para maibibigay mo lahat ng gusto niya… para lang sa kanya. Hindi mo naiisip na unti-unti, nagiging sentro na siya ng buhay mo. Darating ang panahon na handa ka nang ibigay lahat para sa kanya. Natitirang konting oras mo. Bawat tibok ng puso mo. Kahit Virginity mo: Isusuko mo lahat yun para kanya. Ganun mo siya kamahal. Kampante ka na sa kanya dahil sa lahat ng “pagmamalasakit at pagmamahal” na ipinikita niya sayo. Masaya parin ang buhay.

Ngunit, subalit, datapwat, sa isang di inaasahang panahon. Sa mga araw na akala mo ay ok lang naman kayo. Normal na araw kung baga. Bigla siyang magbabago. Mamalasin ka lang talaga at mapapansin mo pa yun. May kausap ka lang na ibang lalaki, friends lang kayo ah! Grabe ang pangit nga ng kausap mo ngayon eh… pagseselosan parin niya. Magagalit siya sayo dahil katext mo yung isang guy na nakilala mo lang dahil sa project, dahil ka-officemate mo siya. May masama ba naman dun? Wala naman diba? Eh kung sa may kailangan lang naman talaga yung guy eh. Eh kung sa nice guy lang naman siya eh. Eh kung sa friends lang naman talaga kayo eh. Magmamaktol na yang baby mo. Magiging tiyanak na yan. “Bakit mo kausap yan? Sino yan ha? Gilitin ko leeg niyan eh. May iba pa bang kailangan yan sayo? Pinagpapalit mo na ba ako?” Shempre girl ka lang diba? Parang espadang tumatagos sa puso mo yung mga sinabi niya. Friend lang naman yun ah. Ni hindi ko nga siya maikukumpara sa boyfriend mo at sa lahat ng dinaanan na niyo eh. Mahal mo siya. Wala nang iba. Siya naman ay kunwari ok lang. Pero makikita mo parin ang mata niyang nanlilisik sayo. Hindi mo pa nakikita sa kanya ang ganung klaseng titig na nakadirekta sayo. Masakit. Pero kakayanin. Sige na… oo na… tama na… ako na mali. Hindi ko na kakausapin yung guy na yun. Promise. Akala mo ok na ang lahat. Magiging sweet ulit siya… pero magkakaroon siya ng bagong pagseselosan. Tapos mauulit nanaman ito. Tapos lalabas na iniipon pala niya lahat ng galit niya sa iyo. Ibabanggit nanaman niya ang mga pangalan ng mga lalaking nakausap mo dati ng pinagselosan niya. Kasama pa nga yung middle initial nung lalaki eh. Para bang may listahan siya ng mga maling nagawa mo. Tapos iiyak ka nanaman. Tapos hindi mo nanaman alam kung ano ang gagawain mo. Tapos aaminin mo naman na kasalanan mo at mag-sosori ka.

Unti-unting nawawala ang nakilala mo at minahal mo sa pagkatao niya. Dati everyday ay magsama kayo. Ngayon ay once or twice week nalang. “Aalis kami ng mga kabarkada ko. May kailangan kasi ako gawin bukas eh. Boys night(s) out kasi kami eh. Di kita masasamahan mamaya. Sorry. I love you.” Todo understanding ka naman kasi mahal mo siya eh. Pero mag-isa ka nalang umuuwi ng 11pm ng gabi. Masmarami nang oras na wala ang boyfriend mo kaysa sa nandiyan siya. Magrereklamo ka minsan, o kahit kakausapin mo lang naman siya dahil feeling mo nagbago na kayo. Pero magagalit lang siya sayo. “Kulang pa ba lahat ng nagawa ko para sayo? Am I not enough for you?” Aray ko po… ayan nanaman ang mga masasakit na salita niya. Ayan nanaman ang mga luha mo… umaagos na parang wala nang bukas. Hindi mo ma-reason out na nagbago na nga kayo. Na hindi na siya katulad ng dati na excited kang samahan at puntahan. Hindi niya siya katulad ng dati na sobrang ok lang at go sa lahat. Nagbago na nga talaga kayo. Pero hindi mo kayang ipaalam sa kanya yun dahil babarahin at paiiyakin ka lang niya. Ano pa ba magiging desisyon mo? Break, cool off na ito.

May mga lalaki na kapag nakarinig ng bad news sa kanyang mahal ay magwawala. Maslalong magagalit. May mga guys na biglang namang nag-bre-breakdown at iiyak dahil hindi alam ang nagawa. Papano eh sarado ang tenga at ngayon lang makikinig sayo for the first time. May mga guys na babawiin lahat, todo confess na they are in the wrong. Susuyuin ka ng flowers and teddy bear na sobrang cute. Magpapakita sayo ng super nakakaawang itsura habang sinasabing “I’m really sorry baby… I love you so so much and I don’t want to lose you.” Shempre kagat ka naman dahil cotton candy lang puso mo. After 1 week or two… balik nanaman siya sa dati niyang ugali which merits another cool off… and the cycle goes on. Pero meron din namang mga lalaki na sobrang tigas! As in! Nakakainis talaga! Hindi mo akalaing sila pa talaga may ganang magalit sayo at mag-isip ng kung ano-ano. Ipaglalaban ang sarili nilang reasoning na hindi mo alam kung saan nila napulot. Ipaglalaban nila ang reasoning na sila ang tama, na hindi nagbago ang pagtingin nila sayo. “You have no right to say those things to me. Siguro nga kailangan nating mag-cool off.” Kapag nataranta ka doon ay ikaw naman ang biglang hahabol sa kanya. Shempre style yun! O, ano ka ngayon? Edi lumalabas na ikaw naman ang mali ngayon? O nautakan ka nanaman sister? Ay sus… wala tayong magagawa dun… girl eh. At ito… may isa pang type ng guy na hindi ko alam kung sobrang mautak lang talaga siya o sobrang messed up lang niya, na sa sariling niyang mga issues ay ikaw ang nasasaktan at naiipit. “Sorry talaga kung ganun ang nararamdaman mo, may mga problema lang talaga ako ngayon at hindi ko alam kung papano sila ayusin. Kailangan ko muna I-settle ang sarili ko. Siguro nga kelangan natin ng space to thing about stuff.” O sino ang talo sa sitwasyon na ito. Ikaw parin diba? Feeling mo iniiwan mo siya sa panahon na kailangan ka niya. Pero kung matigas ka ok lang yun. Bwahahaha! Sige cool off na tayo. “Sige… sorry talaga kung nasaktan kita ah. Gusto mo friends nalang tayo para hindi ka naiipit sa akin (wow understanding). Ok lang sakin na makipag-date ka sa iba. Masasaktan nga lang ako, di naman maiiwasan yun eh, pero ok lang talaga. (awwww sad…).” Kapag nakarinig ka ba ng ganito ay maiisip mo parin na makipagdate sa iba? Basta ako hindi. So… Ipit ka parin! Kahit ano mangyari. Grabz ang galing noh?

Sobrang labo talaga ng mga guys. It drives me crazy to the point na ayoko na magmahal ng guy. Pero sobrang hindi ka complete kapag walang guy sa buhay mo. I’m so confused and yet I still yearn for one. Hay nako… good luck nalang sa atin.

DISCLAIMER: I did not write this, and I think the author wouldn't want me to divulge his identity. Anyways, nagalingan lang ako :)

Stick Wit You

2006-04-22T11:12:00.000-04:00

"Stickwitu"
Pussycat Dolls

I don't wanna go another day,
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
Seems like everybody's breaking up
Throwing their love away,
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

[Chorus:]
Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.
Nobody gonna take me higher
I must stick with you.
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you, my baby.
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you.

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
See the way we ride in our private lives,
Ain't nobody getting in between.
I want you to know that you're the only one for me (one for me)
And I say

[Chorus]

And now
Ain't nothing else I can need (nothing else I can need)
And now
I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me.
I got you,
We'll be making love endlessly.
I'm with you (baby, I'm with you)
Baby, you're with me (Baby, you're with me)

So don't you worry about
People hanging around,
They ain't bringing us down.
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts.
So don't you worry about
People hanging around,
They ain't bringing us down.
I know you and you know me
And that's why I say

Freddie Krueger

2006-04-21T14:30:00.000-04:00

Recently I've been having nightmares every night (duh that's why they call 'em nightmares). Anyway, I always wake up sweating, with my breath coming in faint gasps like I was about to be killed before I woke up. I can't remember what happens in my dreams exactly, all I can remember is the overpowering imprint of fear that these nightmares leave behind. I'm kind of curious, though, as to what these dreams are all about. My dreams are usually very interesting, when I am able to remember what they are. When I wake up in the middle of the night after an especially interesting one I usually try to repeat it to myself so I can remember when I wake up in the morning. Alas, nowadays I can remember no dreams that I can tell stories about.

Transparency and Zoom-Zoom

2006-04-17T01:09:00.000-04:00

Everytime may problema ko, nahahalata mo. Have I become that transparent? Or can you just see right through me? Mala Superman ka ata. May X-Ray vision. Feeling ko tuloy wala akong matago. Tama na rin. Mabigat magtago ng mga sikreto.

Hay may bago akong pangarap. Pero malabo atang maabot ito. Paplanuhin ko muna ang mga bagay bagay...

Ano kayang ipapangalan ko dito? Ang next kong baby.. Hehehhe.. Kuya niya si Freddie. Parang gusto ko pangalanan ng Kenneth. HAHAHHAA. That is, kung maplano ko pera ko. Di nalang ako kakain. Bawal narin magshopping. Hayh. As if kaya ko yon. Owel.

Thank God It's Thursday

2006-04-14T00:23:00.000-04:00

It's Thursday, but it feels like Friday to me. I only need to bill 2 more hours tomorrow and the rest of the day is free. I get to help ate out with Vince and go to the city in the afternoon. It's always nice to be home. This will be my schedule for 9 more months. Work like there's no tomorrow for four days and I get to go home on Fridays and spend more time with my loved ones. At least breakfast is buffet and dinner is on the company. It means I get to eat at tons of restaurants. So that also means I need to workout everyday. LOL. The things we sacrifice to get the things we want. Like FOOD.

Tonight I get to share Joe and Ate Ameeh's shifts, just to get a feel of how they take care of little Vince. He smiled (and smirked) at me a few times tonight. Hmmm, reminds me of someone ELSE i know...

Babies are so tiny. It's amazing to see such a small human being. Not that I'm that big myself, but you get what I mean. *Yawn* I've barely even started watching over him and I'm sleepy. Probably has something to do with that glass of milk I drank (haha I got envious of Vince drinking his milk). All right I better just start studying so I don't fall asleep here.

Neuro

2006-04-11T19:45:00.000-04:00

Hmm. May neuro ako. [Neuro (noun) - something I am mulling over, confused about]. What if, meron kang coworker (opposite sex). Acquaintances lang kayo, not really that close. You've talked a couple of times. At syempre, pareho kayong consultant so you barely see each other at the office. Tapos, bigla kayong naassign sa same client. Kaya ngayon, forced ka na makisabay sa kanya papunta sa office at pabalik ng hotel. So yun, first time niyong magsabay pauwi. Eh dinner time na so kain muna kayo somewhere. Along the way syempre marami rami narin napag-usapan niyo kasama na don ang pag-gygym at pagkain, at ang fact na may swimming pool sa hotel. Hmm, so nag comment ka na gusto mo itry yung pool next week siguro. Tapos sinabi niyang parati shang nandun. Ok pinalagpas mo nalang ang comment na yun at continue sa usapan. At bago kayo umakyat sa kuwarto ay tinanong ka kung gusto mong magkita sa pool mamayang gabi (since namention mo nga na gusto mo). Sheez hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba yon, or weird lang tlga yon? Baka ako lang yon at ang pagsswimming ay may kakaibang connotation? LOL. Teka, hindi naman sa green-minded ako, pero unang una, hindi pa kayo ganun kaclose. At pangalawa, hindi naman kailangang pati sa pagsswimming ay sabay kayo, hindi naman kayo best friends, at lalong hindi niyo naman kailangan ang isa't isa upang makapagswimming. At pangatlo, alam niyo na yon, swimming=swimsuits. Hahaha weird ako. Ibang generation na nga ako, pero may natitira pa naman akong neuro sa ibang bagay. Hindi ko alam if it's an American thing na ok lang yon. I should ask someone. Heheh. Tanong natin sa Kano diyan. Asan na ba yun?

-*-*-*-*-

I discovered something today. Masarap pala ang Diet Coke with Lime. It has a nice little kick to it. So there. Exciting ba ang araw ko? LOL. I feel like having a cookie. Buti nalang hindi ako natempt bumili kanina hehehe. Ang maganda lang sa nakatira sa hotel, pag tamad kang lumabas, hindi ka rin makakain hehehe. Bawas lamon. Punta kaya akong gym? Parang ayoko dahil a certain someone commented na magwowork out daw sha. No thanks. Tae bo nalang ako sa umaga. Hayh. I gotta get back to work. Amazing ang manager ko eh. Amazing sa pag expect ng trabaho. Yung mga tipong tao na dahil parang wala silang buhay kundi trabaho dapat ikaw rin ganun. Hehehe. Pero wala akong magagawa ang trabaho ko ang nagpapalamon sakin. Ayun, back to work.

Vince Michael

2006-04-10T21:54:00.000-04:00

Me and the new guy in my life...

Awww.. isn't he adorable? His name is cute, too, (Vince, sana matangkad ka, maputi, at magaling mag 3-point shot.. ahem ahem.. teka lang.. baka Hizon at hindi Guerrero ang surname mo hahaha!). Napapa-reminisce tuloy ako sa mga kahibangan ko nung high school. For the people who knew me when I was in 1st year high school, you'd probably remember that a day never went by that I wasn't talking about 'Vince'. :). Anyway, this is my very first nephew, his mommy is Ate Ameeh. He was born on April 6th, 2006.

Ito ba itsura niya pagtanda?

Unfortunately para sa mga nangangarap, this picture was taken right before Vince's wedding to Shaan Bermudez HAHAHA. Kaya, sorry nalang mga tol. Wala akong ibang pic na makita online eh AHAHA. Baka tamad lang ako maghanap.

Malas

2006-04-04T22:35:00.000-04:00

Second day ko palang sa client, parang feeling ko nauubos nako. Ganito ba ako kahina? Siguro nasanay lang sa isang buwan na pagiging slacker. 2 hrs pa ang commute ko, at actually, pag cinount ang pag hintay ko sa train at sa bus, 3 hours. I have to wake up at 4:00 am so I can leave quarter to 5, head to the city so I can hang out with my favorite person for about 2 hours, head home and feel like sleeping. Alas, there's laundry to do (ahem wala nakong maisuot sa loob), additional things to study for work, at syempre, hindi mawawala ang nonsense kong pagchchat, at nagblog pa tlga! HAHAHHAA. Hay. Nadedepress ako. Hindi narin ako makapagwork out. Hindi lang yun, sa sobrang pagod lamon nako nang lamon. Yikes. Piglet.

-*-*-*-*-

Ilang beses na tayong naabutan nang ulan nang magkasama. Ang totoo, ayoko sa ulan. Ayokong nababasa damit ko, or yung feeling na magkakasakit ata ako. Pero imbis na mairrita e natutuwa pa ata ako, siguro dahil kasama ka, siguro dahil ang kyut mo kapag basa ng ulan, parang basang sisiw pero as usual nakangiti parin, yung ngiti mo na hindi natatanggal sa muka mo (minsan nga lang nagiging smirk, kapag may semi-evil ka nanaman na thought hahaha!). Bat kaya ganun? Talaga bang tinadhana lang tayong malasin? Or baka naman ako ang malas? Heheheh. Yun nga ata eh.

Kissing A Fool

2006-04-03T05:41:00.000-04:00

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart

People
You can never change the way the feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye
But please don't take my heart

You are far
I'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Maybe I'll be strong enough
I don't know where to start
But I'll never find
Peace of mind
While I listen to my heart

People
You can never change the way the feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

But remember this
Every other kiss
That you'll ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you
Like I always do
There's something there
That can't compare with any other

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

St. Elmo's Fire

2006-03-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

We laughed
Until we had to cry
And we loved
Right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we'll ever be
Just you and me
For just a moment

We chased
That dream we never found
And sometimes
We let one another down
But the love we made
Made everything alright
We shone so bright
For just a moment

Time goes on
People touch and then they're gone
And you and I
Will never love again
Like we did then

Someday, when we both reminisce
We'll both say
There wasn't too much we missed
And through the tears
We'll smile when we recall
We had it all
For just a moment

Time goes on
People touch and then they're gone
But you and I
Will never really end
We'll never love again
Like we did then

We laughed until we had to cry
And we loved right down to our last goodbye

Home

2006-03-23T08:24:00.000-05:00

Maraming beses na kitang nilayasan
Iniwanan at iba ang pinuntahan
Parang babaeng mahirap talagang malimutan
Ikaw lamang ang aking laging binabalikan

Manila, Manila
I keep coming back to Manila
Simply no place like Manila
Manila, I'm coming home

I walked the streets of San Francisco
I've tried the rides in Disneyland
Dated a million girls in Sydney
Somehow I feel like I don't belong

Hinahanap-hanap kita Manila
Ang ingay mong kay sarap sa tenga
Mga Jeepney mong nagliliparan
Mga babae mong naggagandahan
Take me back in your arms Manila
And promise me you'll never let go
Promise me you'll never let go

Manila, Manila
Miss you like hell, Manila
No place in the world like Manila
I'm coming home to stay

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I left home. Sometimes I wake up and I still can't believe all the changes in my life. What used to be seems like a vague distant memory, memories of lazy hot afternoons playing games, leaving home at 4 pm on a Saturday just to have coffee with my friends and talk about nonsense (stuff that made lots of sense to us anyway), the relief of being able to get a cab after waiting so long at that one spot in Tandang Sora, or of getting off of an FX when I get to the mall. But when all these moments occur to me in flashbacks I can't help but feel an overwhelming sadness that that part of my life is over with. Don't get me wrong, life now isn't bad, it's just so totally different that I can't help but feel displaced. Even I have changed so much, I wonder if coffee with my friends will ever be the same even if I can actually go home and do that with them. One of my officemates (who isn't even Filipino) is going to visit the Philippines in September. I am SOOO envious, but I won't be ready to take a vacation yet at that point in time. I'm targeting February, but who knows? A few months ago I had different plans for December. Ah, but that my friends, is another story better left unsaid. ;)

I feel there's so much that I wanna say, but that there's no point in saying them. You know that feeling, when you start writing a letter, and in the middle of it you just crumple the sheet and throw it away (or maybe ctrl+a and delete)? Sometimes you just have to accept that there's nothing else you can do. Life has to go on. No matter how many mistakes you make, or how many people you hurt, or how many things you wish you did better, you will always make more mistakes, hurt more people and do things the wrong way. Hey, all of that only proves you're human. You can't help but beat yourself up over it, of course (unless you're such a sh*tty as* with no remorse whatsoever). You mull over your imperfections, wondering why you weren't wired differently. You wonder why you're so incredibly flawed that there is no day that you can miss making a mistake. But the better way is to try and do things better next time. If there ever is a next time. As always, I am rambling again. Focus, focus, as my career coach keeps telling me.

I miss home. Yet, I've sort of made my home here too. Kuya, kaw nalang ang kulang bilisan mo Disney na tayo! ;).

Fear

2006-03-15T10:42:00.000-05:00

Isn't it one of the scariest things in life to risk all of the things you'd always been comfortable with, all of the things that define your life, on something you're not even sure of? Is it worth it, knowing that in the end, you could just end up with nothing, and in fact end up with a world so shattered, you have no idea how to pick up the pieces? If it means you get a shot at what you've always wanted, I guess it would be worth it. People make this choice all the time. Athletes give up a lot to get to that one moment in time that can make their life shine, but if they get seriously injured, then they have to start all over again, find out what else they could do with their lives. Soldiers sign up to serve, hoping that this ultimate sacrifice can maybe make a difference, even though they have to leave everything they've ever loved back home, knowing there could be a chance that they'll never even see home again. Immigrants leave everything they ever knew behind, even great jobs, to start new lives overseas, even at the cost of starting at the very bottom of the career ladder and swallowing whatever pride they used to have.For anyone who's ever felt this kind of overwhelming fear (and I'm pretty sure most people would at one point in their lives), the only consolation I guess is that you're never alone in your fear. There's always someone else out there feeling exactly the same thing. We are all one in the risks that we take, it's a part of life, of being rational beings who can shape their own future (or can we?). As for me, I feel as if I've barely started my journey in life, and hopefully, in the end, everything will be ok. Like I read somewhere, 'If it's not ok, it's not the end.' ;)

Music make you lose control. Music make you lose control.

2006-03-05T22:36:00.000-05:00

Hehehe LSS! I FINALLY took a dance class. I was planning on taking the basic hiphop class but it turned out to be full (note to self: leave earlier next time), so I ended up taking a somewhat advanced 'Video' class (they teach you choreography for music videos). True to form, after months of not having trained, I could barely keep up the first few minutes. But I think I did pretty well towards the end, and learned the moves to 'Lose Control' by Missy Elliot. I've missed the feeling of training for dancing. All the sweating makes me feel like the inside of my body's been cleansed (after taking a shower, of course), and the exertion makes me feel healthier. I kind of pulled a muscle on my left ankle, though. Boy, is tomorrow gonna be a bad day for me. Bad ankle, and my wisdom teeth are gonna be taken out. My diet is gonna consist of soup, soup and more soup.

I'm pretty tired. I guess I'll go to bed. Good night world.

KILL SELF

2006-03-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

Hahahahhaa! Ako to ako to ako to ako to...

Basta Blogger...

2006-02-27T14:49:00.000-05:00

Hahaha check this out! This is a bumper sticker that's being sold online. There's a shirt too. Here's the link http://www.cafepress.com/rickeyorg.45915607 so even though I took the pic they get free advertising. (Thanks sa link be! :) ). Totoo ba to? Sabi saken proven na daw hahaha! Sa mga may lover na blogger diyan, you guys be the judge. ;)

MP

2006-02-21T00:48:00.000-05:00

This night is reminiscent of those days when we were doing our Machine Problems (MPs), trying to finish them 3 nights before the deadline. :). Except, before, I usually wasn't the main programmer, and now I'm the ONLY one. This project is a great way to toot my own horn, let people know I can actually function well on my own. The only problem is that I HAVEN'T been procrastinating. I've been working since the day I started, and still ended up like this, on a holiday, waking up at 3 am and even worse, not being able to sleep at all. The added stress of not having a decent internet connection in this part of the hotel is also driving me nuts. I have filled my stomach with oats, oats and more oats, plus about 3 servings of coffee. And now I am blogging for a few minutes, just to wake myself up and stop myself from taking those 5 steps towards the bed and falling asleep instantly. What am I saying? It's only 10:00 pm. I guess when your time is dependent on someone whose time is running 3 hours later than yours, you start feeling like you're in the same time zone. (I actually said 'time' 3 times in one sentence). Come to think about it, the person I'm talking about is sick, can barely function, and yet, forced himself to talk to me until about 12:30 am (EST). You can't blame me for tying my days to someone who's just as equally tied to mine. :).

I keep thinking just to hang in there. If I don't get any sleep until I leave for New York, at least I know that when I get on that red-eye flight on Thursday, I will be sleeping soundly, and will wake up just in time to have the sun shine on my life again.

Envy

2006-02-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

I hate you.

For beating me to the finish line
For being more beautiful.
For being liked by everyone.
For not needing to make an effort, and still getting what you want.
For being richer.
For being with your friends.
For having friends.
For being loved.
For knowing how to love.
For being flawless.

For owning what I cannot have.

-*-*-*-

Envy is such a human trait. It festers and rots in your being like an undeniable disease, and still, people can't help but give in to it sometimes. Why not look at the person you'd like to be, though, instead of the persons around you, instead of trying to measure up to them, measure up to that unattainable self you desperately want to be. There will never be someone exactly like you, hence there will never be someone exactly like the person you're imagining yourself to become someday. So just forget envy and go for it.

Courage

2006-02-14T01:35:00.000-05:00

"Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear

Or how the road can seem so long
Or how the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart i'm trusting you
On this journey... "

Journey to the Past - Aaliyah

-*-*-*-

There are times in your life that you just have to take a leap of faith, and trust in what your heart is saying. I've always been a scaredy-cat, who fears a lot of things and choices more than they deserve to be feared. Right now there seems to be a trend of fear surrounding a lot of the people I've come to know and love. The fear of:

1. Being hurt again.
2. Hurting someone.
3. What everyone else will say.
4. Giving your all and getting nothing in return.
5. Rejection.
6. Finding out the truth.
7. Telling the truth.

8. Being lied to.
9. Falling out of love.
10. LOVE.

At Valentine's Day pamandin. Happy Valentine's Day nga pala sa inyong lahat. I know a lot of you out there aren't with the ones you love. And some don't even have people to love. Hehe someone from YM's status today was 'I love you... self' hahaha ok shout out sayo kilala mo kung sino ka. I doubt though mababasa mo to. Anyway, scary tlga magmahal. And every time you make that decision, you also take the risk of being hurt. Pero alam naman natin, na kahit masakit, sige parin. Coz we know it's all worth it kapag nandun sa part na masaya. So never lose that hope, and never let the fear take over. Always have the courage to love.

Teka inaantok nako. Nakakaantok ata pag usapan ang Valentine's Day. Lalo na pag mag-isa ka nanaman hahahaha... FDS!

Another Sleepless Night

2006-02-08T01:30:00.000-05:00

Work, work, work...

Think, think, think...

Some of us are doomed to spend sleepless nights alone.

Well, not exactly alone. I have several YM friends keeping me company. The wonders of technology, keeping people like me from committing suicide and dying a sad, tragic death, headlines reading "Consultant dies in a lonely, bitter end.". Hahahhaa! Stop the drama.

I am tired, but I plod on in a zombie-like trance. To my best YM friend (I doubt you ever read this), thanks for the company, and for helping me go on. (Di ko alam kung good ba to, pero we will find out, like you said, 'Abangan ang susunod na kabanata'). ;)

All right back to the grinder.

Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin

2006-02-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

From the first time I laid eyes on him I found that I had fallen in love. Yes, it's true, it was definitely love at first sight. His sleek, clean cut look and beautiful face made me lose my breath. I would find myself staring at him everyday. It wasn't a deep kind of love at first, I guess I could say that I was just proud to have someone like him around. Soon, though, I found there was nowhere I could go without him, or the thought of him lurking in my mind like an undeniable virus seeping into my system. I started doing everything with him, moonlit and sunlit walks around the city, lunchtimes made less boring with him around, window shopping, people watching, reminiscing. I've done the laundry, packed my bags to leave, and even slept with him in my arms. Dreary, rainy days (which I've always hated), could become sunny for me with him around. The more I spent time with him, the more I found I couldn't live with the thought of losing him. He did his part, always cheered me up when I was sad, and when his happy voice couldn't comfort me anymore, he was just there for me, being sad with me, waiting for the time when he could be happy with me again. And they always come around, the times when I am so happy just being with him I feel like strutting in the streets in a very John Travolta move. Sometimes, though, I find that I think I'm going deaf from having too much of him around. Err I think I should take off my earphones once in awhile.

Me and my Freddie

Time Is Gold, God Is Love

2006-01-31T21:07:00.000-05:00

A very slambook title, if I may say so myself. I've come to realize though that when you're working and traveling, time IS gold. This weekend I'm supposed to stay in California, but from a faint nudge for me to come home came the overwhelming feeling that I really DID want to go home. So, I sent out a few emails about my plans, looked for a flight as cheap as I could get this late in time and YES I can actually go home! But that also means that I will be flying almost entirely on Friday (a day in which I'm supposed to be working, meaning I WILL be working the entire time I'm on the plane and in the airport), I have stopovers both on my way back home and on my way here on Monday morning, and both flights are leaving at around 6 am (Meaning I have to leave the hotel and the house at around 4 am). Ahh, the things we do when we are going crazy.

My project is taking up more and more of my time. Well, just because I really want things to get better for those who are gonna be using what I'm restructuring. I hope all the hard work is gonna be worth it for them in the end. Ahhh, I need to work. But I am also in need of a good cup of coffee. So I'm gonna go out for my usual evening walk to wherever it is that I need to buy something (this time Starbucks), and then resume working later on.. Bye for now guys...

Kahit Pa

2006-01-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

Hale

Muling lalapit
Ang liwanag sa paligid
At ang tinig
Na sa aking nagsasabing

Hindi mapipigil ng mundo
Papatunayan ang pangako

Dahil kailangan ka
Kailangang pakita natin tayo'y iba
At kahit pa
Hindi papipigil sa mundo
At sa umagang darating
Lahat ay aking kakayanin

Huwag mong iisipin
Ang mga harang sa atin
At ang ihip ng hangin ay darating

Bigla lang titigil ang mundo
At ang lahat ay maglalaho

Dahil kailangan ka
Kailangang pakita natin tayo'y iba
At kahit pa
Hindi papipigil sa mundo
At sa umagang darating
Lahat ay aking kakayanin

At kahit pa ikaw lang at
At kahit pa ikaw lang at...

Hindi ko man hawak ang panahon
Maging ang ikot ng buhay
Basta't ikaw at ikaw pa rin
Ikaw at ikaw pa rin

Dahil kailangan ka
Kailangang pakita natin tayo'y iba
At kahit pa
Hindi papipigil sa mundo
At sa umagang darating
Lahat ay aking kakayanin

At kahit pa ikaw lang at
At kahit pa ikaw lang at
At kahit pa ikaw lang at ako

-*-*-*-

This is just one of those days when I just have to let it all out with another set of lyrics. Hahaha! Anyway, I'm all tapped out of stuff to say right now. Maybe not, but I don't really feel like sharing. So I'm just gonna update my song list, they link to songs now so just go ahead and click (I can't do direct links sorry).

Just Like Heaven

2006-01-29T07:18:00.000-05:00

I'm on the plane right now. I just watched 'Just Like Heaven' (Reese Witherspoon), and it must be one of the most heart-tugging movies I've ever seen (or maybe I'm just feeling emotional myself nowadays, which is why I can empathize with any hint of drama). When I first saw the trailer I just thought, 'Hmm looks like they pretty much gave away the ending already, what's the big deal it's a guy who fell in love with a freakin' ghost' ahahaha! It was a pleasant surprise though that I loved it so much I think I'd like to add it to my list of favorite romantic movies of all time. I think I like movies that show loss. I've also seen 'Return to Me' (David Duchovny and Mimi Rogers), which was also about a guy that lost the love of his life, and then found true love again in what can only be described as a fateful meeting. There's something about guys weeping their hearts out (or trying hard not to) that really gets to me. (Hmm, I don't even want to think about the supposed implications of this statement). Actually, my Humanities teacher (in her effort to read my journal project), referred to this phenomenon as the 'Florence Nightingale' in all women. I guess it means, women want to nurse wounded men (also explains the concept that 'women dig battle scars'). Anyway, real life doesn't usually involve comatose souls that wander the earth looking for their soulmates, or even kisses that bring people back to life. Now that I've come to think about it, I've never really believed in fate, or that somehow, somewhere, gears are turning that control how we will live our lives. I think I've always felt I'd rather have faith, than fate. A belief that there is a higher Being that loves everyone unconditionally, rather than there being an ultimate pattern to the universe and all the chaos in this world. Still, I enjoyed the movie though, and the idea of fate is also nice when it leads to the most beautiful moments in your life. Hmm I feel like I am rambling incoherently here, but I guess I'm just spewing out what's in my mind. (A good way to spend the last hour or so of my flight, which thankfully has NOT been delayed like before). A line in the movie sort-of got to me, I think Elizabeth (Reese) said something like 'All I remember about my life is working', and it just reminded me how important moments are in your life. we can't deny the fact that for most people (who have their own dreams and aspirations, or have the drive to get to them), work must usually come first. We can't deny it, a 9-5 pays the bills and gets you to places. I also remember a cab driver telling me 'What do you think about the fact that Europeans say Americans live to work?'. I had no answer to that, as I am not American. But I guess the point is that we must never find ourselves living to work instead of working to live. Always try to find things in life that make it more than everyday drudgery. In fact, right now I wanna list down some stuff I've seen that make it worth going out instead of working your ass off on the weekends:

1. The full moon (the one that's huge and orangey) in New York City
2. Fresh snow (aka powder) (I saw like 2 meters) on the ski slopes at Tahoe
3. The Chateaus in France
4. The lakeside areas in France
5. Embarcadero street and the piers in San Francisco
6. The view of Manila from Cloud 9 in Antipolo
7. Boracay, the sunsets and the beautiful bodies ;P
8. Quiet coffeehouses where you can drink coffee and read a good book, OR hang out and be loud with your friends, OR sit down and have a nice conversation with a special someone
9. Great clubs on Friday nights where you can surrender yourself to the music and exchange sweat with the persons dancing next to you
10. Sunlit walks in the park
11. Great food in equally wonderful places
12. Road trips where you can bond and/or get pissed off at your friends, then make up at the end.
14. Streetside cafes where you can eat pastries and go people watching, especially when you're in another country or state
15. Chateau d' Versailles and its amazing gardens
16. Mamma Mia! The funnest show I've ever been to

Stuff I wanna see:

1. Usher in concert
2. The pyramids in Egypt
3. The canals of Venice
4. Barcelona
5. A real-life Torii in Tokyo
6. Brad Pitt

Hmm pretty short list right now. I guess I'm not in such a dreamer state right now.. *sigh* I need breakfast..

Pero Minsan Nag-iiba Ang Ikot ng Mundo

2006-01-26T00:07:00.000-05:00

I'm supposed to be packing right now. Going home, even though I'm barely ever really home nowadays. But I guess it's true what they say, 'Home is where the heart is'. I heard the reviews for Underworld 2 were not good. I'm still gonna watch anyway, just to find out. Haha, another weekend back in The City.

** I miss my Baby **

Ahahahha! By special request I've included that. I hope you're happy... LOL. I am so freakin' tired nowadays. My body clock is shot, I wake up at weird hours, I sometimes sleep late, I sometimes sleep so early, I have like no idea what's going on.

[Brief pause to sleep]

I just woke up ahaha. It looks like I was too lazy to figure out what to say. Oh well... I'm just gonna torture you guys. Thanks for the song Dex!

Ewan Ko

Di niya sinabi pero may nagsabi
Gusto na yata kasama ka parati
Pero ewan ko, ewan ko
Naubos na ang pera sa kakalakwatsa
Gusto na yata parati kang kasama
Pero ewan ko, ewan ko

Pre chorus:
Napapansin mo na yata
Nakakahiya naman
Gusto lang naman kitang titigan.

Chorus:

Napapalingon tuwing ika'y dumadaan
Napapangiti di ko alam ang dahilan
Alam kong hindi pepwedeng maging tayo
Pero minsan nag-iiba ang ikot ng.. ang ikot ng mundo

Susmaryosep ang dila ay sumabit
Napahiya na di na makalapit
Pero ewan ko ewan ko

Pero

(pre chorus)
(chorus)

Napapalingon tuwing ika'y dumadaan
Napapangiti di ko alam ang dahilan

Napapalingon tuwing ika'y dumadaan
Napapangiti di ko alam ang dahilan

Alam kong hindi pepwedeng maging tayo
Pero minsan nag-iiba ang ikot ng.. ang ikot ng mundo

A Pretty Long Walk

2006-01-22T01:54:00.000-05:00

Aha! Today I will not torture my faithful readers with another set of lyrics that will only serve to remind them how much I love music and how sentimental I'm feeling nowadays. Today I was brave enough to travel by bus and train to San Francisco all alone, and had the best time. I only passed by most of the tourist attractions and was not able to ride any of the tour trolleys or cable cars. I still have like, three weekends to hang around over there (tomorrow I might go to Oakland City Center just to have a look around, MAYBE get my nails done, and buy an Oakland shirt for my favorite person :), then study for half the day ). I drank some Irish coffee though, which was supposed to be the original as brought to the US by some guy. In effect I had a coffee and a swig of Irish whiskey at around 12:00 pm. I did a lot of shopping so I ended up just eating clam chowder on sourdough bread a little after lunch.

Mmm.. does that look tasty to you? It was! I think I should try crab cakes at one of the better restaurants one of these weekends. :). So, since I didn't do the tour, what else did I do? Well I mostly walked around and took a lot of pictures without me in them hahaha... Except for a few with my face looking really huge, just to prove that I was actually the one taking the pictures and not some random person.

Here's a nonsensical picture of one of the BART trains (AKA public transportation). The seats are cushioned, a far cry from the ass-hating seats of the MTA over at NY:

Here's a boring fountain which I have no idea why I took a picture of:

One of the many docks. This one was my favorite.

Boudin's Sourdough Bread Bakery:

Ghirardelli Square. Chocolate!!!

Me at the Ghirardelli chocolate shop:

I found a quaint little artist's gallery near Ghirardelli Square. Unfortunately, it was closed so I couldn't come inside, meaning I had to be content with looking from outside, and I forgot the artist's name. But it features paintings of people and animals with doe-like eyes. This particular one leapt at me, as you can imagine (for those who know about BoomBoom):

Another one of the paintings from outside (haha u can almost see me taking the picture, obviously I took this from outside a glass window):

Hmm.. obviously I have yet to take a picture of something substantial. HAHAHA. I think I'll leave that to when I'm actually using a digital camera, and there's someone willing to take my picture :P.

I had a lot of fun, though. This kind of life is worth it, if I could only deal with the only real problem I have with it. It's not the traveling, the tiredness, or anything of that sort. It's the distance. *sigh* Oh well. It's time to study. I actually have to earn all this stuff I shopped for.

Wala Nang Hahanapin Pa

2006-01-17T11:12:00.000-05:00

Sa tuwing tayo't magkakalayo

hindi matahimik ang puso ko

bawat sandali hanap kita

'di mapakali hanggang muling makita ka

dahil kung ika'y makita ng

labis labis ang tuwang nadarama

magisnan lamang ang kislap ng iyong mata

kahit ano pa ay kakayanin ko na

Basta't kasama kita

lahat magagawa

lahat ay maiaalay sa'yo

basta't kasama kita

walang kailangan pa

wala nang hahanapin pa

basta't kasama kita

giliw,sana ay ikaw na nga

ang siyang mananatiling kasama ko

dahil kung ika'y mawawala

pati lahat sa buhay ko'y maglalaho

ngunit...

Basta't kasama kita

lahat magagawa

lahat ay maiaalay sa'yo

basta't kasama kita

walang kailangan pa

wala nang hahanapin pa

basta't kasama kita

walang kailangan pa

wala nang hahanapin pa

basta't kasama kita

This Side

2006-01-16T12:56:00.000-05:00

"It's foreign on this side
but it feels like I'm home again.
There's no place to hide
but I don't think I'm scared... :)"

-- This Side (Nickel Creek)

*sigh* My flight back to NY was delayed for like 2 hrs last Thursday. And the same thing happened to my flight back to CA tonight. The fates have conspired to ruin my schedule. I arrive at around 11:45 pm, meaning that it would be almost 3 am back in NY, an awful time to announce to the important people in my life that I just came in. Oh well. (Written on the plane)

I keep going shopping for food or clothes carrying all the crap I need for work. Meaning I lug arond a laptop and a book that's even heavier than that, while getting groceries or clothes. I always end up walking with like a ton of stuff and with people looking at me wondering if I'd gone nuts. The kicker is that I usually wear 3-inch boots. Why do I always do this to myself? A while ago some random guy at the store commented that I must have big muscles to carry around all that food. Yeah right. Big muscles or a lot of stupidity.

All ryty, back to work! I can't believe the weekend's over. :) *sigh* 2 weeks nanaman.

Apologies

2006-01-10T21:46:00.000-05:00

I've been so incredibly selfish, stupid and insensitive, bordering on mean these past few days. I just wanna say I'm sorry. But I guess that's all I can say. I have like, no right to say anything right now. So there.

-*-*-*-

Let's move on to the shallow stuff. I think I've become addicted to music. I do not do anything without Freddie nowadays.. unless JLo (my laptop) is at hand, she also plays music. If any of you are wondering why my laptop is called JLo, a friend of mine commented that this laptop has a huge ass (the battery sticking out back), somewhat like, well, some ladies out there. So it occurred to me to call her JLo (one of my favorite artists, hahahhaa, back before her Bennifer days).

-*-*-*-

I'm kind of depressed about not being able to watch TV. There's just so much to do.. well, actually I haven't been accomplishing too much these days. I spend too much time dwelling on whatever it is that my life is right now. Too much time that all that's left isn't even enough to handle all the studying that I should be doing right about now. One of my friends asked me if I had already finished that XML class we signed up for. It's supposed to be done by January 20th, and yet I think I barely remember what the heck I studied before (I'm about halfway through). Plus I'm supposed to start a Java Web Development study group on Tuesday, (for which there is a course I must finish every week). Hmm.. I am actually supposed to be developing in ColdFusion, so why have I signed up for Java Web Development? I'm such a freakin' mess right now. But at least, I'm happy. In a way. :)

-*-*-*-

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Flashback:

"You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy." -- Friends (Monica Geller)

Here Is Gone

2006-01-10T00:08:00.000-05:00

Wala lang. As usual, nice song.

Here Is Gone
Googoo Dolls

You and I got somethin
But it’s all and then it’s nuthin to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah

And we wake up in the breakdown
With the things we never thought we could be, yeah

I’m not the one who broke you
I’m not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah

I’m not the one who broke you
I’m not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don’t need the fallout
Of all the past that’s in between us
And I’m not holding on
And all your lies weren’t enough to keep me here

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling

I know it’s out there
I know it’s out there
And I can feel you falling

I know it’s out there
I know it’s out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

I know it’s out there
I know it’s out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

Hanging By A Moment

2006-01-07T23:41:00.000-05:00

Before when this song was really popular, I didn't understand it, or I wasn't really sure what it meant, so I didn't care too much for it. Now I've come to appreciate it. Share ko lang sa inyo.

Hanging By A Moment
Lifehouse

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you

Disclaimer: Gets niyo na yon. At para sa di maka-gets, di na kailangan ng disclaimer. Hahaha!

-*-*-*-*-

I went snowboarding!! It was a lot of fun, but also a lot of pain :). One time I almost blacked out coz of a really bad fall. But I got some cruise time before that at least.

Is It Over

2006-01-06T14:44:00.000-05:00

I'm down a one-way street

With a one-night stand, With a one track mind

Out in no-man´s land

(The punishment sometimes don´t seem to fit the crime)

Yeah there´s a hole in my soul

But one thing I´ve learned

For every love letter written

There´s another burned

(So you tell me how it´s gonna be this time)

Is it over, Is it over

´Cause I'm blowin´ out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find is nothing there girl

Yeah I swear, I'm telling you girl yeah ´cause

There´s a hole in my soul that´s been killing me forever

It´s a place where a garden never grows

There´s a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better

´Cause your love´s like a thorn without a rose

I'm as dry as a seven-year drought

I got dust for tears

And I'm all tapped out

(Sometimes I feel broken and can´t get fixed)

I know there´s been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed

Now I sleep with my boots on but you´re still in my head

(And something tells me this time I'm down to my last licks)

´Cause if it´s over, Then it´s over

And it´s driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find is nothing there girl

Yeah I swear, I'm telling you girl yeah ´cause

There´s a hole im my soul that´s been killing me forever

It´s a place where a garden never grows

There´s a hole im my soul, Yeah, I should have known better

´Cause your love´s like a thorn without a rose

If it´s over, It is over

´Cause I'm blowin´ out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find

is nothing there girl yeah I swear

I'm telling you girl, yeah ´cause

There´s a hole in my soul that´s been killing me forever

It´s a place where a garden never grows

There´s a hole in my soul, Yeah, I should have known better

´Cause your love´s like a thorn without a rose

Goodbye...

2006-01-06T02:21:00.000-05:00

The right thing is usually the hardest thing to do.

I want to thank Jessie, who, out of the many people who talked to me, was the only one who really knew what to say.

I want to say sorry to all the people that I've hurt, especially 3 persons who I will not even dare mention.

At para sa mga mahal ko sa buhay, kasiyahan niyo lang ang gusto kong makita.

All right back to the grinder.

Burnout

2006-01-04T00:16:00.000-05:00

Kaya bang agapan ang burnout?

Hayh. Minsan ata, yun nalang ang daan, wala nang iba.

Nakakapagod din ang buhay.

-*-*-

BLURRY
Puddle of Mudd

Everything’s so blurry
And everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s so empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I’ll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing
Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us
But that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
There’s noone left that’s real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us
But that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it my face

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to runaway

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it my face

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

For You

2006-01-01T19:04:00.000-05:00

This is dedicated to a very good friend of mine. I know how you feel, keep your head up, love can be unconditional. Haha!

Let Me Go
3 Doors Down

One more kiss could be the best thing
One more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
This seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
This seems real to me

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know...
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you dont know me

BUWAHAHAHAHAHHA!

2005-12-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

NYAHA! WATCH OUT WORLD! MAY LISENSYA NAKO!!!!

hehehe. what a nice day. what a great gift to myself. :P

I was kind of depressed a while ago. But I guess you can't have it all. You gotta learn to be happy with what you have. Like in my case, a license! (to kill? hehehE)

-*-*-*-*-

Pano pinaghahandaan ang depression? How do you steel yourself from it, when you know it's coming? Hayh, minsan ang mga tao, makulit, kahit alam nilang bawal sa kanila, ginagawa parin. Tulad ng yosi, alam mong magkakasakit ka at unti unti kang nanghihina pag ginagamit mo, pero, makulit ka parin. O kaya ng chocolate. Alam mong next week lalaki tiyan mo kakakain mo, pero bat ba di mo matigilan? Hahahahaha!

All right back to work!

-*-*-*-*-
“Adik sa’yo”

awit sa akin
nilang sawa na sa aking
mga kwentong marathon

Tungkol sa’yo

at sa ligayang
iyong hatid sa aking buhay
tuloy ang bida sa isipan ko’y ikaw

Sa umaga’t sa gabi sa
bawa’t minutong lumilipas

Hinahanap-hanap kita,
hinahanap-hanap kita

Sa isip at panaginip,
bawa’t pagpihit ng tadhana
Hinahanap-hanap kita

Sabik sa’yo

kahit maghapon
na tayong magkasama’t

parang telesine
Ang ating ending Hatid sa bahay n’yo
Sabay goodnight, sabay me-kiss,
sabay bye-bye

Sa school sa flag ceremony
hanggang uwian araw-araw
Hinahanap-hanap kita,
hinahanap-hanap kita
At kahit na magka-anak kayo’t
magkatuluyan balang araw
Hahanap-hanapin ka,
hahanap-hanapin ka

Waaaaaaaaaah!

2005-12-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

Waaaaaaaaaaaah! It's my road test tomorrow.. I'm getting so nervous just thinking about it that I had to stop studying and write about it, just to sort of get it off my chest. Well, it's not as if other people haven't failed the test, but I guess I just want to have a better way to go around San Fransisco when I get to CA. I'm also all nervous about my project, which will be starting next week. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Haha I'm such a crybaby.

Meron akong gustong sabihin.. pero hindi ko masabi. Well, maybe someday.

Adik.

2005-12-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

Pagod na pagod nako sakaka-aral. Sasabog na ata utak ko. Ang itsura ko ngayon mukang naka-droga. Namumula at malalim ang mata, parating nawawala sa sarili at lumilipad ang utak. Nanood nalang ako kanina ng Will & Grace, at gumana naman sha. Gumaan kahit papano ang pakiramdam ko, kahit pa ilang minuto lang.

Namimiss ko ang pagsasayaw. Minsan, sinasayaw ko ang mga lumang routine, kahit na yung ibang parte nakalimutan ko na. Masaya lang. Bakit ba hindi nalang ako naging dancer? Baka sakaling di ko kailangan magpuyat nang ganito. OOPS. Kailangan din pala. Hahahaha.

Bago ko malamang may project nako, excited ako sa Pasko. Pero ngayon parang pagod na pagod nalang ako.. Sakakaisip kung magagawa ko ba to nang maayos. Syempre, kailangan maayos. So. Kung kailangang hindi makatulog nang maayos, so be it.

Namimiss ko ang Eng'g. Sana, college nalang ulit ako at Eng'g week at nagppraktis ng Indakan.

Pupunta sa Orange dance studio, kakain ng Zinger sa KFC bago sumayaw, at sasakit ang tiyan habang sumasayaw dahil naaanghangan (HAHAHA). Makikipag-agawan sa mga tao dahil kulang ang chako. Tatakbo sa tindahan para bumili ng tubig. At habang nagmamadali, nakikipagkuwentuhan narin sa kasama sa sayaw. Ay. Bibili pala ako ng Dewberry na isang pack. Tapos since mabait ako, mamimigay ako sa mga tao. :)

Kinabukasan ay Sabado. Pagod na pagod nako pero nagyayayang mag Eastwood si best (slash Steppie). Osigi. Kape hazuzual. Hmm.. gimik night Saturday night, andami nanamang pasexy sa Eastwood. Pero dahil pagod nako, naka walang sense outfit lang ako. Buti pa si Best. Parating nakaporma. Ang sabi nga niya 'Ash dapat laging handa!' Totoo Best, you never know kung kelan darating si Mr. Right, di ba? Baka hindi mo lang alam, sha na pala yung nasa kabilang table sa kapihan. O teka lang, wala kang pangsindi nang yosi. Dali, tanungin mo si Mr. Right kung may lighter sha. LOL. Hmm, ano bang palabas sa sine ngayon? Mukang maganda yon. Nood tayo. Pero 10:00 pa ang showing. Dinner muna tayo sa Fazoli's. Ay p*tah, lalamon nanaman ako? Baka di ako magkasya sa isusuot pang sayaw. Pero bahala na. Masarap kumain e. Hahaha. Tapos uwi. Tapos tulog.

Urgh... anong oras na ba? Sunday pala. At dabest, 2:00 pm na.. ngayon lang nagising. Puro pawis na ang t-shirt ko sa init ng araw. Nakalimutan ko nanaman lagyan ng kurtina ang bintana ng kwarto ko. Asan na ba si BoomBoom? Hmmm umalis ata ang mga tao ngayon sa bahay. Ano kaya maganda gawin. Diablo nalang heheh...

Ang layo na ng buhay ko ngayon.. Minsan di ko na kilala yung dating ako. HAHA. Pero teka, ilang buwan palang ang nakakalipas. Pero parang ang bilis ng buhay.

'Kay bilis kasi ng buhay, pati tayo, natangay'

Gulo gulo nanaman ang utak ko. Oops. Almost midnight na. Parang awa mo na Ash, mag aral ka na ulet. Oki. Laterz.

Random Thoughts

2005-12-20T18:30:00.000-05:00

Malamang hindi mo ko kilala. Pero gusto ko parin humingi ng tawad sayo. Kung alam mo lang ang mga pinaggagagawa ko, siguro gusto mo nakong ipapatay, ipalamon sa oso, ipa-tira sa sindikato.

Minsan, akala mo, kilala mo na ang sarili mo. Akala mo, alam mo kung ano ang kaya mong gawin. Pero hindi pala. Mali ka pala. Magbabago bigla ang tingin mo sa buhay. Malalaman mong hatol pala sayo ng buhay ang mag isip nang mag isip buong gabi, walang laman ang tiyan, walang tulog, walang pag-asa, walang lahat kundi ikaw, utak mo, puso mo, at ang pangarap na bukas, di na kailangan magpuyat. O kahit man lang, pwede nang magpuyat nang masaya.

Kilalang-kilala mo ako. At dahil don, kailangan ko din humingi nang tawad sayo. Sa dami nang pinagdaanan natin, hindi sapat ang kahit anong sabihin ko para saluhin ang pagdurusang ibinigay ko. Pero, dahil din don, hindi ko rin alam kung anong dapat sabihin. O kung may dapat pa bang sabihin. Kaya, hanggang buntong-hininga nalang ako.

-*-*-*-*-

I have given up being a couch potato. It's a sad thing, but certain sacrifices need to be made, to make space in my life for this huge, needy, whiny baby called... MY FIRST PROJECT. I'm psyched, scared, excited and tired all at the same time.

There's nothing like walking around Central Park at nighttime, with the moon and the brights lights of the city. The horses are stinky though.

BEST. Iniwan mo nako dito. Fighting for my life. LOL.

Alanis Mode

2005-12-19T08:18:00.000-05:00

The album 'Jagged Little Pill' was released in 1995, and won a Grammy in 1996, the year when I first came here looking all clueless and tourist-ey. It was one of the few cassette tapes we had brought from home (together with Ultraelectromagneticpop, the only other one I can remember). Back then it seemed to me that, not only were we playing Alanis at home, but everywhere we went I could hear her voice too. When I got home, whenever I heard a song from 'Jagged Little Pill', I always remembered New York.

By the way, for all those of you who are clueless out there, Alanis is engaged to *sigh* Ryan Reynolds.... Sana si Alanis nalang ako. HAHAHAHA!

-*-*-*-

HEAD OVER FEET

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I’m a princess
I’m not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You’ve already won me over in spite of me
Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You’re so much braver than I gave you credit for
That’s not lip service

You’ve already won me over in spite of me
Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met
You’re my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I’ve never felt this healthy before
I’ve never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

Ikaw Ang Diyos At Hari Ng Iyong Mundo

2005-12-18T07:12:00.000-05:00

Matakot sila sayo...

-*-*-*-*-

There are times in life when you feel like you're so on top of everything there's no decision you can do to mess anything up. Life is so great that you wonder whether God and/or fate conspired to put you right there, in that moment, when your world is just PERFECT. People might go through life having many of these moments, and as they pass you by like a train on track, the only thing you can do is be thankful that train passed by as frequent as it had, or even at all. But then, there are also times when you realize, you were NEVER in control at all. The world conspired to make you feel SUPER, and then in a kryptonite-like maneuver, make you weak, bring you down to your knees, and make you lose all sense of whatever control you thought you had. And, like a train on track shaking your home-along-the-tracks (heheh), the only thing you can do is try to hold on to something until the mini-quake ends. Hopefully your house will still be standing after it passes by.

-*-*-*-*-

IRONIC

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

It’s a black fly in your chardonnay

It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late

Isn’t it ironic... don’t you think?

It’s like rain on your wedding day

It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid

It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take

Who would’ve thought... it figures

Mr. play it safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought

Well isn’t this nice...

And isn’t it ironic... don’t you think?

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face

A traffic jam when you’re already late

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It’s meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn’t it ironic... don’t you think?

A little too ironic...

and yeah I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

Helping you out

:)

2005-12-14T21:24:00.001-05:00

Hey there my dear blog readers!

Remember that day when I was so happy but didn't wanna jinx it?

I was actually up for a project (finally) in Oakland, California, which I really REALLY wanted to do, but was still under consideration due to budget issues.

And today that project got approved!! YAAAAAAAAAY!

So I'll be going back and forth from January to February.. coming home every other weekend. The schedule sounds kind of annoying. But hey, that's a consultant's life. At least I get to go around San Fransisco during those weekends I'm there, getting a rental car which (hopefully) I'll be driving with my brand new license! Hahaha!

I'm listening to Usher's older songs right now.. I think I forgot about them coz of Confessions (specifically BURN). So here's to you Usher baby!

-*-*-*-

You Got It Bad

When you feel it in your body
You found somebody who makes you change your ways
Like hanging with your crew
Said you act like you're ready
But you don't really know
And everything in your past - you wanna let it go
I've been there, done it, fucked around
After all that - this is what I found
Nobody wants to be alone
If you're touched by the words in this song
Then baby...

U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad

When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars(You can have it all back)
Flowers, cards and candy(I do it just cause I'm...)
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to knowI really adore you
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song

Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can

See I've been there, done it, fucked around
After all that - this is what I found
Everyone of y'all are just like me
It's too bad that you can't see
That you got it bad...hey

U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else

U got it bad
breakdown
U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad

The Tourist

2005-12-11T07:25:00.000-05:00

The title, I actually got from the secret identity of a guy in a book that I read called "Honeymoon", written by James Patterson. The book sucked, and it was quite unfortunate for me to have read one of the very few books he wrote that isn't excellent. He's my sister's favorite author, and I heard his books are really great. One day I'd like to read more of them, but right now I'm just so occupied with other stuff, plus I wake up late on the weekends. :P This isn't a review. Ahahaha!

The title is actually for me. The brave little 5'0 ft girl who waded through the sea of tourists all over Times Square and 5th Avenue, on a SATURDAY. People are funny. When they're tourists they become these weird, annoying people who slow down everybody else, stop in the middle of the freakin' road to discuss coffee at the Trump Tower, and of course, are too riveted with the skyscraper scenery to notice that someone as small as I am is in front, behind or beside them. SO. As you can imagine, it wasn't a very pleasant experience. And those who really know me would know that I really, really, REALLY, despise being in crowds. Except maybe for concerts (I LOVE YOU USHER!). But the amazing thing is that it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I guess instead of being as annoyed as I possible could, I started remembering when it was my first time in New York, and when I was in Paris and Rome a few months ago. Yes, people become annoying when they're tourists, 'coz I've been one several times in my life. I sort of understand, and my only hope is that whenever all of you out there take on this sigh inducing persona, you will at least remember NOT to stop in the middle of the road to discuss lunch plans, and still have loads of fun. :) Oh, and watch out for that 4'11 girl PLEASE don't step on her.

My day was pretty fun, though, despite the crazy crowds. It consisted of a movie, window shopping, coffee and pizza. If it weren't for all the tall people and the snow, I could've sworn I was back in Manila, doing the usual stuff with one of my friends. Best, miss na kita. Punta ko Eastwood next Saturday, ha? Coffee Bean...

Para Sa Matatakutin

2005-12-08T12:43:00.000-05:00

Huwag Kang Matakot

Eraserheads/Orange and Lemons

Huwag kang matakot'

Di mo ba alam nandito lang ako

Sa iyong tabi'

Di kita pababayaan kailan man

At kung ikaw ay mahulog sa bangin

Ay sasaluhin kita

Huwag kang matakot na matulog mag-isa

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot

Dahil ang buhay mo'y walang katapusan

Makapangyarihan ang pag-ibig

Na hawak mo sa iyong kamay

Ikaw ang Diyos at hari ng iyong mundo

Matakot sila sa 'yo

Huwag kang matakot na matulog mag-isa

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot na magmukhang tanga

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot sa hindi mo pa makita

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot

Aahhhah

Huwag kang matakot na matulog mag-isa

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot

'Di kita pababayaan kailan man

Hopelessly Hopeless

2005-12-08T00:14:00.000-05:00

Today I had a nice chat with several of my friends. One of them I haven't talked to in a long time (hi!) so it was pretty nice to just talk and catch up and be as loud as I possibly can (meaning using ALL CAPS lol).

So, some of my friends were talking to me sort of asking for love advice. Haha! What the heck do I know? The thing about me is that I've always been a hopeless romantic. Dreaming of a love that was written for the books or the movies. Is there anything like that out there? (Err, hi Michelle, pa-hi narin kay Papa Vern heheh) I highly doubt it. Which brings us to the reason why I'm probably screwed up. LOL. Still, I try to give advice, and just, well let's just say if I could make them sign waivers I would.

Hmm. I'm sleepy. Hahahaha. Can't go on.... waaaaaah....... ZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

A Walk In the Clouds

2005-12-06T20:15:00.000-05:00

I'm in a GREAT mood today. :)

I don't wanna mention the reason why I'm in such a great mood right now, coz I don't wanna jinx it. But suffice it to say that because of that I'm kind of on cloud 9 right now...

Plus I finished the first real task I ever did for work. I think I did a great job, considering I learned the tool in a day and just winged it as I went along, together with my work buddy, Ishita.

Hmm Shadow is hiding his treat in between a pair of boots and slippers. HAHAHA. And like 2 days from now one of us has to find it when he can't get to it.

Breathless

2005-12-04T01:31:00.000-05:00

Go on go on
Leave me breathless
Come on

Hey... yeah...

The daylight's fading slowly
The time with you is standing still
I'm waiting for you only
The slightest touch and I feel weak
I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide
And I'm losing the will to try
Can't hide it, can't fight it

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny
This loving feeling
Make me long for your kiss
Go on, go on
Yeah...
Come on
Yeah...

And if there's no tomorrow
And all we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
You're all the love I need somehow
It's like a dream
Although I'm not asleep
And I never want to wake up
Don't lose it, don't leave it

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny
This loving feeling
Make me long for your kiss
Go on, go on
Yeah...
Come on

And I can't lie
From you I cannot hide
And I've lost my will to try
Can't hide it, can't fight it

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny
This loving feeling
Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on, come on, leave... me breathless
Go on, go on, come on, leave... me breathless
Go on, go on, come on, leave... me breathless
Go on... go on!

My Baby

2005-12-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Check out my beautiful baby boy! Not very chubby, a bit on the dark side and bald. But I love him more than anything else!! His name is Freddie.

*sigh* My dream come true.

Today a weird guy sat beside me on the bus. Well I'm not exactly sure if he was weird coz I was too busy listening to Freddie and looking out the window. But I think he was asleep and then moaning in his sleep. I wasn't sure if he was creepy in a Frankenstein-y or pervert-y manner. Actually I think it's more of the Frankenstein thing coz he moved to another seat when a pair of seats became empty.

I'm actually doing something at work now. And I guess it's great coz I'm being eased into it, doing something but I don't have to fly anywhere for now. My eyes hurt from all the unexpected work I'd been doing for the day, and then I did some boring labs remotely here at home, the applet was incredibly slow though and kept me from being on YM properly. I am currently waiting for the only 2 friends I keep bugging almost everyday to finally reply.. HOY tutulugan ko na kayo. heheh..

Hmm I wanna skate at the Rockefeller Center this December, or maybe in January.. but I don't have ice skates and I'm not about to buy a pair.

Oh well.

Hunger

2005-11-28T22:18:00.000-05:00

No additions today to my piece of fiction. It's not as if it's any good anyway. Still, it's a nice way to unwind.

The title of this post is hunger but the truth is that my stomach is quite full of very unhealthy snacks. I'm a breath away from eating a huge amount of dinner again and just letting myself go. But. I will NOT.

Lately I've had a taste for malted coffee (which adds a whopping 120 calories to my coffee, cancelling out all the Splenda calories saved). There's just something about winter that warrants an unending amount of comfort food and drink. Hot cocoa, anyone?

My sister is halfway through her pregnancy. Halfway! Can you believe that? Well yeah coz I think she got pregnant right about the time I came here. I'm the good luck bunny. Very soon I will be helping out with all the baby stuff. Do I have what it takes? We will soon find out.

Our living room is already looking very Christmas-ey. I put up the tree and hung the ornaments and everything. Alas, the fake tree box notes that it could 'Cause birth defects', and that is why I was the only one who could do the tree. I enjoyed it too! I remember bugging my dad and aunt to buy a decent tree for years on end. I got my wish for like, one year, and it was a live one. So next year it was back to the crummy old tree. We have a bay window with a nice 'parol' peeking out, and candy cane lights. It's all very nice when it's nighttime and we're hangin out on the sofas.

*yawn*

Regret pt. 1

2005-11-27T20:30:00.000-05:00

"You broke my heart!"

I sat there in our family library, listening to the beating of my heart in the silence that followed. Does a 13-year old girl have the license to break somebody's heart? At the time, I didn't think of these things. I thought people in their twenties were so freakin old, and those that were older seemed ancient. Younger people seemed so inexperienced, as compared to moi, who had had dozens of crushes, and fallen in love TWICE. Big 2! The first time was with my best friend (who I'm not going to talk about right now), and the other with, well THIS guy, who had just accused me of breaking his own 14-year old heart.

I didn’t know what to say. So the uncomfortable silence stretched on. This was the only room in my house where I could have some peace and quiet, just me, the phone, and the boy at the other line who I was trying to win back. I played with the phone cord, hoping that maybe it could help me figure out what I SHOULD say. I heard a faint sigh from the other line. “I’m sorry. I met someone else.” My mind screamed at me for my own stupidity, and my heart beat loudly with the pain of a thousand regrets. “Are you still there? Do you have anything else to say?” I asked myself the same question. Oh well, time to speak up with whatever futile attempt I could come up with to save face. “Do I even know her?” Great. What the heck was that? “Look, it’s none of your business, ok? I know it’s Christmas and you’re probably lonely and all that but I’ve moved on. You should too. Bye.” I heard a click and then the busy tone.

No. I didn’t cry. I just sat there and stared at the phone for God knows how long, remembering how I even came to break his heart, and mine in the process.

“You look like someone I know.” This was the only opening I could think of. We had met only once, and we had barely even talked, but I was so interested in him I couldn’t stop myself. He turned around and grinned sheepishly at me. *sigh* I loved that grin. It made all the acrobats in my stomach start performing in an instant. “Uh, your name is Allie, right?” Oh God, I thought. He doesn’t even remember my name! “Actually, it’s Alex.” It was my turn to grin sheepishly. “Oh, sorry that’s right it’s Alex. You’re one of Jill’s friends, right?” I turned around so he wouldn’t see my face turn dark just for a moment. I knew he liked Jill, who in fact, wasn’t really my friend. She was more of a friend of a friend. Reynard (my cute sheepish guy), was at this party where he met Jill and me. I turned back to him with a smirk. “Yeah. So, I heard you’re interested in her.” Haha! Talk about blunt. A couple of emotions flashed across his face. At first it he seemed indignant, then confused, then finally, as usual, sheepish. “Well I can’t deny it I guess. Um, so who did you say I looked like?”, he asked. He nodded immediately after I answered, and told me Jill had said the same thing. After that he quickly launched into a narrative as to why he thought he had fallen in love with Jill. This was the beginning of our friendship. Not exactly the best way to go about it, but hey. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I watched the other guys and girls splashing around in the pool. Thank God I didn’t bring a swimsuit, I thought to myself. You see, I was kind of pudgy, and I wasn’t about to let HIM notice it all the more. And as it turned out, I was luckier than I thought. Because, he was also the only one of the guys who didn’t want to have a swim. We sat on one of the tables at the clubhouse, with our sneakers resting on the benches, eating potato chips and drinking soda. I guess we thought we were too cool to sit where it’s proper to. We were sharing one bag of potato chips, so he handed it back to me and grinned, “You know, I was actually hoping I could get to see you in a swimsuit”. I rolled my eyes at him. At this point, we had hung out so much and had had too many long talks on the phone for me to be uncomfortable with any of his lewd remarks. “Ahaha in your dreams Reyn.” He laughed and turned back to watching the other guys. “Hey I’m just gonna get another can of soda from the store ok?” He nodded absentmindedly as I left. When I returned he was busy feeding what was leftover of our chips to a stray cat. I smiled wistfully as I watched him. After a few seconds I snapped back to reality and returned to where I sat before. “Oooh it’s so cute! So, you like cats huh? I didn’t know that.” “Yeah I love cats.” He then looked at me and I just.. I forgot where I was and what I was doing. In that moment I felt like he was telling me, “Let’s move in together and raise this cat.” With just his eyes. The moment was too intense that I had to look away and just stare at my sneakers. “How’s the thing with Jill going?” Crap. Another winning change of subject. He seemed to know the question was coming. “That’s not going so well actually.” Hmm why was he still staring at me? I needed to get back to staring at my sneakers. “It’s just that we don’t seem to have that much in common”, he continued. “Oh that’s too bad, I’m sorry.” He then gave me a smile that I still remember to this day. “Don’t be. Coz I’m not.” There seemed to be something that came after that. But it was never spoken out loud.

-*-*- TBC -*-*-

Holidays

2005-11-25T16:53:00.000-05:00

My 2 favorite Christmas songs!!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,

Jack Frost nipping on your nose,

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,

And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe,

Help to make the season bright.

Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow,

Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that Santa's on his way;

He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.

And every mother's child is going to spy,

To see if reindeer really know how to fly.

And so I'm offering this simple phrase,

To kids from one to ninety-two,

Although its been said many times, many ways,

A very Merry Christmas to you

-*-*-*-*-*-

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true ...
All I want for Christmas
Is you ...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you ...
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You ...

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one
I really need - won't you please
Bring my baby to me ...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas
Is you ...
All I want for Christmas
Is you baby
Is you baby

Turkey. Cold. Shopping.Ipod Video.

2005-11-20T22:08:00.000-05:00

Yay! It's almost thanksgiving! I'm excited to have my first thanksgiving dinner... Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce... YUMM... Of course, it means I'm gonna have to workout this entire week. Hopefully I can get rid of this laziness I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks.

It's getting cold.. brrrrrrrr... Which caused me to spend almost half of my last paycheck buying winter clothes.. *sigh* Kailan ba kita makakasama, Ipod Video?

I'm tired.

Minsan

2005-11-18T20:25:00.000-05:00

Minsan sa may Kalayaan tayo'y nagkatagpuan

May mga sariling gimik

At kanya kanyang hangad sa buhay

Sa ilalim ng iisang bubong

Mga sikretong ibinubulong

Kahit na anong mangyari

Kahit nasaan pa man patungo

Ngunit ngayon

Kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon

Sana'y wag kalimutan

Ang ating mga pinagsamahan

At kung sakaling gipitin ay

Laging iisipin na

Minsan tayo ay naging tunay na MAGKAIBIGAN.

*Sobrang inggit ko sa mga naka-dorm nung college. Kahit pa, malamang, mas mahirap maligo, o kaya naman walang lugar sa lahat ng damit mo... O kaya baliw yung kasama mo sa kuwarto.. Minsan iniisip ko sana malayo ang bahay ko sa skul. Pero ok lang, marami parin akong naging kaibigan. Best, UWI NAKO! Hehehhe.. joke lang unfortunately...

Collide

2005-11-17T15:17:00.000-05:00

Sung by: Howie Day

Dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open you're closed

Where I follow, you'll go

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I found I'm scared to know

I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here

I lost my place

I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find you and I collide

The Office

2005-11-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

This is what my office looks like. Check it out! An ironing board, with (from right to left) an iron, a remote control for the CD player, a blank CD, my laptop, my hard drive in an enclosure, the TIVO remote, a cup of coffee, and some tissue (also known as trash). Note that my computer chair is actually the sofa with a pillow and a sweater that i actually have to toss in the laundry for this week's batch. Hahaha!

For all of you who don't know, I'm a consultant. Right now I haven't been put on a project yet, which means I'm on bench, which means I can work from home. My sister and Joe are on a semi-vacation in Florida, so aside from my office looking like this, it means I also have hamburger helper for lunch, and cookies for breakfast. Kind of a weird way to live, huh?

Pride and Prejudice

2005-11-14T12:49:00.000-05:00

To all chick flick fans out there.. watch 'Pride and Prejudice'!

I assure you, you won't be disappointed.

The British accent can be quite confusing, but considering I had a hard time deciphering what the hell they were saying, I still found that I had tears of joy rolling down my face after the last scene..

:)

ALL APOLOGIES

2005-11-12T18:28:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Gilmore Girls

2005-11-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

Where you lead, I will follow

Anywhere that you tell me to

If you need, you need me to be with you

I will follow where you lead

If you’re out on the road

Feeling lonely, and so cold

All you have to do is call my name

And I’ll be there on the next train

Where you lead, I will follow

Anywhere that you tell me to

If you need, you need me to be with you

I will follow where you lead

I've been so addicted to Gilmore Girls reruns recently.. and they're on everyday.. so I have this song in my head...

MOVIE!

2005-11-09T21:43:00.000-05:00

Movie! Movie! Movie!!

Huhuhuhuhuhu....

Thank you for being a friend, travel down the road and back again...
Your heart is true, you're a friend and a confidant.

I am currently watching 'Sixteen Candles'. I think this is the 3rd time I've watched it, and I've only now realized that both John and Joan Cusack are extras in the movie.

*sigh*

Belle

2005-11-07T15:12:00.000-05:00

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere...

I want it more than I can tell.

And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand,

I want so much more than they've got grand."

-- Belle, 'Beauty and the Beast'

Chicago!

2005-10-21T22:42:00.000-04:00

I'm in Chicago right now. Well that's not exactly true. I'm actually in the suburbs, but we've been around Chicago like, ONCE. I have a few minutes to kill before hangin out with a few coworkers. FINALLY.

My life right now is a big tornado of activity. But things are going well. Thanks to everyone who checks in on my blog now and again.

Chicago is pretty. It's clean, quite incomparable with Manhattan (on the positive side). BUT. I still love New York City.

Waaah! I'm a little homesick. But I like all the activity, and the people that I've met (there are 20 trainees and even more instructors so they're too many to mention). I hope everyone's doing well. :)

Desperate Couch Potato

2005-10-13T20:23:00.000-04:00

I miss my shows :(. But I guess there's nothing I can do but wait for some free time, which as of now I have absolutely none of whatsoever. This entire week has been a whirlwind of activity. Last Sunday my mom was in town, so we went shopping and had dinner blah blah, we also moved some of their stuff from the old house to my sister's apartment so that I don't have to buy any new furniture. I got home at around 11, and my sister got home at around 12 I guess coz she had to drive me home (sorry ate hehe). Monday was my first day at work, which went pretty fine but after that we went shopping again and had dinner again and I got home late again. Tuesday was the same thing. Yesterday I finally had the chance to get home early, but the weather didn't agree that I needed a break so I got home around 8 coz of the rain. I wanted to read on the bus but I felt too miserable looking at the rain outside so I ended up just staring out of the window and reminiscing about a simpler time in my life when all I did was watch movies, eat a lot and have coffee with my very good friends (whom I miss so much HUHUHUHU). Shelly, if you're reading this, wala lang miss na kita!! Sorry I didn't take your call but I promise I'll call you once I get my own money :). I forgot that I had to have a driving lesson today. Well I got home late anyways.. but my problem is that I have to take the road test on November 15th, and next week I'm going to Chicago for ten days. How the hell am I gonna practice my driving? Yeesh. Work is ok, but time management is a poke in the eye with a very large stick. And this stupid rainy/windy weather isn't a lot of fun either. Yesterday I curled my hair and when I got to the office it just looked like straight hair that hadn't been brushed for a week. Well I learned my lesson in hair drowning.

My room is a mess. After shopping Sunday to Tuesday I just dumped all my crap in my room. *sigh* Well I have this weekend. I hope I don't end up curling up with a pillow on the sofa and watching Smallville.

To the people who miss me (yeah I know you do mwah mwah pa-kiss naman isa lang mare hehehhee), I miss you too. :(

Swords and Wizards

2005-10-07T22:11:00.000-04:00

I've always had an affinity for stories concerning swords and wizards.

Today I watched for the nth time (and for the first time again in a long time) what might've been the very first sword/wizard story I ever loved in my life. Disney's "The Sword in the Stone". I found it accidentally while looking for something else to Tivo. There are a lot of movies that I loved as a kid, and found to be painfully boring as a grown person. This movie however, reminded me today how truly classical it still is (to me at least). The movie is set in the medieval times, a while before the advent of Camelot and the knights of the round table, and we find King Arthur as a scrawny looking squire-wannabe, who is sadly nicknamed 'Wart'. He encounters Merlin, who appoints himself as Wart's teacher, knowing the boy is destined to be truly great. The movie starts off with Merlin complaining about the lack of electricity and plumbing in the dark ages, he stumbles all over himself and his beard while trying to get a pail of water from a well, a scene which still sent me into fits of laughter. Archimedes, the well-schooled owl, is still so lovable, however disagreeable he might tend to be. And of course little Arthur is just so cute. As Wart is turned into several different kinds of animals, I'm reminded of other Disney works, such as Bambi when he's turned into a squirrel and chased around a tree by a female version of himself, and of Little Mermaid when he turns into a fish and tricks a barracuda into running its snout through a chain (not to mention his old-school Nemo-ish appearance). Beauty and the Beast also comes into mind as Merlin orders his chair to come to him and his sugarbowl to conduct itself in a proper manner. All the teachings of course lead to Wart becoming the young King Arthur when he is finally able to pull the sword out of the stone. The movie is a LOT of fun. And I'm saying this as myself, right now, in this day and age :).

Over the years I've come across different stories of swords and wizards that I loved too. It so happens that my favorite books are from the series 'Sword of Truth' by Terry Goodkind, which combines wizard and swordfighter into one character who just swept me off my feet (well right until book 6, after which the series dwindles off into nothingness.. hehehe for whoever wants to read this I suggest you stop after book 6). Another one of my all-time favorites is the book 'The Eyes of the Dragon'. The wizard there is evil though, and the swordfighting isn't such a big deal. The book is a little dark, of course that would be expected since Stephen King is the author. But the storyline is fantastic!

Sometimes I wish I could've lived in such exciting times. Of course, that would be quite impossible since those were FICTIONAL periods in history. Anyway, I don't think I'd have the courage to face an evil all-powerful wizard anyway. I should just leave all the dragons and magic where they belong: in my imagination.

Traveling Soldier

2005-10-05T13:13:00.000-04:00

I got this song from my sister's playlist. :(

"Travelin' Soldier"
sung by: Dixie Chicks

Two days past eighteen
He was waiting for the bus in his army green
Sat down in a booth in a cafe there
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
He's a little shy so she gives him a smile
And he said would you mind sittin' down for a while
And talking to me,
I'm feeling a little low
She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go

So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you

Chorus: I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home

So the letters came from an army camp
In California then Vietnam
And he told her of his heart
It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of
He said when it's getting kinda rough over here
I think of that day sittin' down at the pier
And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile

[Chorus]

One Friday night at a football game
The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For a list of local Vietnam dead
Crying all alone under the stands
Was a piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read and nobody really cared
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair

[Chorus]

Calcium... Calcium...

2005-10-04T05:31:00.000-04:00

My back's been killing me since yesterday... I think it's coz of all the caffeine and THEN pilates. So now I'm having breakfast consisting of milk and yogurt. Ahahahah! It's my bipolar self rearing its ugly head. I usually just have coffee.. :P. The good thing about today is that I actually woke up at the sound of my alarm and didn't sleep again (or haven't YET, it's still around 5:30 :P).

There are times when I'm feeling weird and sentimental, wishing I was back in grade school or high school and during these times I usually listen to the songs I used to hear back then. Right now I'm going for something really old (for my age).. something by Sharon Cuneta! Hehehehe... 'Bituing Walang Ningning'... I can still remember trying to act out Cherie Gil's "You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat!" with my friends (without the water of course, although looking back it would've been more fun).

*-*-*-*-*

The Distance

sung by: Evan and Jaron

The sky has lost it’s color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that’s how it feels to me
Whenever you’re away
I crawl up in the corner
To watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you’re comin back

I can’t take the distance
I can’t the miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callin your name
But I can’t take the distance

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you’re close to me
But it ain’t close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can’t take the distance
I can’t the miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callin your name

I brave fire and I brave rain
To be by your side I’d do anything
I can’t take the distance

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That’s how much you mean to me
’cause I can’t take the distance
I can’t take these miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callin your name
I can’t take the distance

It’s hard to remember
As long as you’re away
When I find solace
There’s only one way

*-*-*

Ooohh I found out something today. Did you guys know that Switchfoot's 'Only Hope' is actually the ORIGINAL version of the song? I actually thought it was a cover of Mandy Moore's version before, heheh talk about a stupid assumption.

Doggy Day!

2005-10-02T21:43:00.000-04:00

It's been a busy weekend for me. Last Friday my sister drove by and we went to the mall to buy our older sister some gifts for her birthday (which is actually today). Our gifts consisted of maternity clothes, which are really what she needs the most right now. We had dinner at the mall, and tried to keep our eyes averted from the SALE! posters we saw left and right. Saturday we went to the 'My Dog Loves Central Park' fair, WITHOUT our dog Shadow because we were actually volunteers for the booth. My sister and her friends got stuck standing for about half the day at the playpen and the adopt-a-dog booth while I was at the photo booth. I was luckier coz I got to sit, but boy was it HECTIC there! People were signing up like crazy! Naturally I got a good look at a lot of different dog breeds, I think maybe around 200 people signed up, some of them bringing more than 1 dog. It was pretty tiring but at least we got 'Central Park PAWS' caps. After an entire day of volunteering it was no wonder we felt like sleeping while waiting for the mass to start at St. Patrick's. 'Homeless ang dating!' like my sister said.

Today we slept in and then went out for brunch with Ate Ameeh and Joe for Ate Meeh's birthday. After that we just hung around at home, eating ice cream (from Cold Stone of course, which our refrigerators are never without) watching 'Boys Over Flowers' (which Ate Aleth had to endure to hang out with us heheh). Before she left there was a lot of excitement, serious discussion and bartering with the jewelry that our aunt sent to us.

I'm still having a lot of difficulty with my driving. *sigh* I drove to Cold Stone and actually drove right up to the pavement as I was trying to park. Good thing nothing was damaged. I was too horrified to get back on the wheel so I let my sister drive home. Well, on Tuesday it'll be another day, another chance for me to hone my driving skills. For now I'll be content with some of the tips my sister gave me.

Activity

2005-09-28T22:26:00.000-04:00

Hmm... tomorrow I have no real plans. But today I did a lot: work-related stuff and driving lessons. My driving's coming along fine. Or at least, better than I expected. I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be on my first week.

-*-*-*-*-

I've been postponing fixing my clothing rack and drawers for awhile, just dumping all my crap on my bean bag. But today I finally made up my mind, folded all of them and put them all on the bed, so that I HAVE to do them before I can sleep. I can't dump them again because I just folded them. Hahaha. I also have to rearrange my rack so that most of the stuff there are for work, the clothes I'll be using five days a week. I'm about halfway done right now. This is sort of a blog-break.

-*-*-*-*-

I just finished watching the finals of 'So You Think You Can Dance' today, and voted for Melody, the pinay. Hope she wins! If Nick wins I'll be happy too though.

-*-*-*-*-

Time to get back to folding!

Productivity High

2005-09-27T07:50:00.000-04:00

Heheh the title is sort of a Beach Life term, if anyone's ever played that game.

Yesterday was a really productive day for me. I actually woke up early, around 6 am (still not enough but I'm getting to the 5 am thing), and went to the DMV office in Manhattan. I took the written exam and aced it (yay!). My sister says I'm a geek. I'm NOT a geek. I was actually watching Desperate Housewives the night before and wondering if God would fail me for watching TV heheheh... By the way I did NOT like that Rex really died. I feel robbed. Hahah! Anyway, so I got my permit already! And when I called Mani (my driving instructor) he promptly made an appointment for a lesson at 3 pm. So around 3-4 pm, after I did my pilates and about half of the laundry, I took my first driving lesson. Of course I was a nervous, sweaty palmed wreck but at least I made it through. And then at 5 I went for the 5-hour class that required to take the road test. So now I'm just waiting for November to swing by, while, of course, practicing driving every chance I could get. After my sister fetched me from the lesson we went to the grocery and got some necessities (garbage bags and soap) and some snacks of pure evil (chocolate malt balls, gummy pears and cake). After we ate dinner I thought I would snuggle up and read Lord of the Rings. Bilbo's party hadn't even started when I felt my lids drop and decided I was too tired. So I just snuggled into my pillow and drifted off to sleep.

The not-so-good thing is, I woke up at 7:30. *sigh* I have around 2 weeks left to make sure I can get up at 5 and actually have the energy to work the whole day.

ugggggggghhhhhhh

2005-09-25T10:59:00.000-04:00

I am BORED beyond comprehension. I'm done with reviewing and I woke up too late to catch Jace online. So now.. I am BORED beyond comprehension. Heheh. I think I'ma try to read Lord of the Rings again.. I might somehow get past Tom Bombadil and his stupid songs.

Pedophile in Reverse

2005-09-24T18:14:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been having these urges to play those old Bryan Adams songs that not only turned up in several movie soundtracks like Everything I Do (Robin Hood Prince of Thieves), All for Love (Three Musketeers) and Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman (Don Juan de Marco), but also in sleazy beer joints in the Philippines (ahahaha!). I told a friend of mine that this started after I recently watched Don Juan De Marco on DVD for the first time, and realized that I loved these songs whether or not a lot of people think they're corny, cheesy or even sleazy. Heheh. After that I suddenly remembered having this huge crush on Kevin Costner as Robin Hood. And then I realized, oh my goodness I had crushes on a lot of old guys when I was a kid. I also liked Bill Pullman when I saw him in Casper. That's right, not Devon Sawa, the humanized form of Casper whom kids my age left and right wanted to have for themselves, but Bill Pullman, the dad with the glasses. Today I checked out http://www.imdb.com (The Internet Movie Database) and found out Robin Hood was released in 1991, I was in SECOND GRADE then. Casper though was released in 1995, I was already in 5th grade by then but STILL very creepy.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Hmm.. My teeth need a good cleaning. I can't wait to start work so that my dental insurance kicks in (with other perks as well heheh such as the usual one of actually supporting oneself). I know I'll be tired everyday when I start to work though. I hope I don't get assigned out of the state for awhile.

Final Promise

2005-09-22T16:56:00.000-04:00

I'm too busy studying for my written exam to get a learner's permit for driving to be able to say anything that makes any sense. SO, I've decided to provide everyone with an English translation of the lyrics to the most touching song from my favorite anime 'Marmalade Boy'. I wanted to post it before, but for some reason it seemed too.. something. Now I can post it! So check it out with a very cute pic of my favorite couple with the NY skyline in the background..

Final Promise (Saigo no yakusoku)

As it started to rain,
You seemed in a hurry to say goodbye.
Let's talk about something...anything.
I want to be with you a little longer.

If I let go of your hand,
I will never hold it again.
I've bravely closed my eyes against
Emotions that are overwhelming me.

I won't cry until it's over.
Even though that face and voice
Are tearing my heart apart
Why did this happen?
I don't want to believe it...
With all these memories
I love you too much.

I can't even speak,
Though my heart cries out.
If I keep holding you back like this,
You'll be soaked by the rain.

In a quiet, protective way,
You gently wrap your hands around mine.
Some day,
My memories of this will fade away.

Without looking back,
You say, "We'll meet again someday,"
The final promise I was waiting for.
I know we can never share
The same dreams again, but...
I wish I could stop time like this.

I don't cry until it's over.
Once you can't see me,
My courage melts away.
I don't want to believe...
I still can't...
With all these memories.
I love you too much.

Starstruck!

2005-09-19T21:08:00.000-04:00

First of all, I just realized how very public a blogger's life can get. Hehe. Mejo obvious na realization toh. Pero for some reason.. ngayon ko lang naiisip. People who have no idea who you are can actually find out what you're thinking today, you're likes and dislikes, your stupidity and your brilliance (we all have our very own lists of each, whether or not they're actually listed). Pero, pwede ring, what you are writing is entirely just to get people's attention. Hindi papansin, pero just to be creative. Tipong akala nila magpapakamatay ka na, pero trip mo lang pala mag-emote (hihihi PARINIG ba to sa someone!? hahahaha disclaimer! disclaimer! disclaimer! hehehe :P). I won't say if I'm entirely honest in my blog, hahaha it's up to other people to find out. But for those who really know me, they know the answer :P.

So why is this entry's title 'Starstruck'? Ok so I have a story. It's true, you don't have to wonder :P. Yesterday I was over at my sister's apartment near Astoria and we (me, my sister Aleth and her roommate Graz) decided to attend the 7(?) pm pass at St. Patrick's Cathedral in the city. It was a pretty uneventful mass (except for me and my sister wondering if the two somewhat attractive guys in front of us were gay/an item). Anyway, it was a short walk to the subway station and as we crossed Park Avenue, Graz (my sister's roommate) suddenly said "Uy tingnan niyo yun kamukha ni Uma Thurman." And then my sister went "O nga noh. Teka sha nga ata yun eh!" And of course me, Miss Oblivious to Everything suddenly exclaimed "Saan saan saan?!" And there she was sitting in the passenger's seat of a Mercedes. I was so amazed to see a star that I actually stared at her right as we were passing in front of the car. Anyway, she knows a lot of people know her so it didn't matter. It's not like I was about to poke my head in the car and say "Hi can I get your autograph?" Heheheh. Hmm.. my opinion? She looked EXACTLY like she does in the movies. :)

7even

2005-09-18T15:11:00.000-04:00

I got this stuff from Ate Ameeh's blog.. I'm posting my own :P

Seven things that scare me...
~ The dark
~ Ghosts
~ Aliens
~ Dying
~ Insects
~ Embarrassing myself
~ Serial killers

Seven things I like the most...
~ Playing PC Games (esp. simulation)
~ Traveling
~ Coffee
~ Eating (desserts!)
~ Watching TV
~ Beaches
~ Romantic Comedy Flicks

Seven random facts about me...
~ Bipolar in many ways (luckily not to the point of psychological illness)
~ I can eat chicken and pizza EVERYDAY and not get tired of them
~ My favorite artists are Usher and Janet Jackson, both excellent song/dance performers
~ I used to dance, and sometimes dream of a career in dancing (never gonna happen heheh)
~ Painfully shy with new people but painfully loud with old friends
~ My favorite movie of all time is My Best Friend's Wedding
~ I like KTV

Seven important things in my bedroom...
~ Laptop & other accessories
~ Night light
~ Alarm clock
~ Speakers for laptop/ mp3 player
~ Cell phone (for second alarm)
~ Full length mirror
~ Clothes

Seven things I plan to do before I die...
~ Go on a Philippine tour and visit Egypt, South Africa, London, Germany and Japan
~ Go sky diving
~ Learn to skii and surf
~ Buy a monster PC with all the trimmings I could ever want and then some (for its time of course)
~ Shop 'til I drop and still have some money left to spend (without incurring a huge amount of debt)
~ Live in an apartment
~ Become an Oracle Certified Professional

Seven things I can do...
~ Average cooking
~ Dance
~ Sing shamelessly at KTVs
~ Read a 1000 page novel from front to cover in 2 days or less
~ Ride a bike
~ Swim
~ Do a headstand and a planche (the only breakdancing techniques I ever learned)

Seven things I can't do...
~ Play pool
~ Play a musical instrument
~ Sports
~ Be liked by other people's parents
~ Read even half of all the sections in a newspaper
~ Have interest in the stock market (zzzzzzzzzzzz)
~ Iron clothes well

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex...
~ Can dance
~ Funny/Fun
~ Well-liked by my friends
~ A gentleman
~ Smart
~ Has a sense of fashion
~ Isn't arrogant

Seven things I say the most...
~ Chi (short for Chika)
~ Olats
~ Heller
~ Horror
~ Nyerks
~ Ano ka ba?!
~ Oh My Gosh!

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign)...
~ Brad Pitt (pre-Angelina)
~ Hugh Jackman
~ Tom Welling
~ Benjamin McKenzie
~ Michael Rosenbaum
~ Christian Bale (he's sooooo yummy as Bruce Wayne :P~~~)
~ Eva Longoria (hehehhehhehehhehehe)

Sarcasm

2005-09-15T13:52:00.000-04:00

Hehehe meanness is funny sometimes..

Quotes from 'House'

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

Dr. Gregory House: I don't *need* to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy. (this wasn't funny i just thought it's weird that House watches The O.C.)

Intern: [trying to tell an uninterested House a patient's history] You're reading a comic book.
Dr. Gregory House: You're drawing attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
Intern: [covers her chest with her clipboard]
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, sorry, I thought we were having a "state-the-obvious" contest.

Orange patient: What is that? What are you taking?
Dr. Gregory House: Painkillers.
Orange patient: Oh, for your... for your leg.
Dr. Gregory House: No, 'cause they're yummy! Want one?

Dr. Gregory House: Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritating recently.
Dr. Cameron: And?
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't realize it was possible for a woman to be 'unusually' irritable.

Dr. Cameron: [discussing a patient's diagnosis] What about sex?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Heh, nice cover.

No Longer a Bum

2005-09-14T18:58:00.000-04:00

Well, at least starting next month. :)

I got an official job offer phone call today.. whoopee!! Although all the paperwork won't come til Friday.

What a way to make up for burning the chicken leg I was cooking a while ago.

A Few Months Before Yesterday

2005-09-08T21:55:00.000-04:00

I stare irritatedly at the computer screen as I lose the battle for the nth time and load the last salvageable scene from the save states. Yeah that's right, I'm playing on an emulator, a gameboy advance emulator to be exact... a game called 'Fire Emblem'. Sometimes I wonder why I keep on playing these games if I get irritated anyway. I punch vigorously at my WingMan, a gamepad plugged onto a usb port. My aunt passes by and asks me where BoomBoom is (he's our cute pug dog). I tell her absentmindedly that he's with me, lying beside my feet. He starts breathing more heavily and lifts his head as if he somehow knows we're talking about him. I pause the game and I start to rub the puggy folds on his forehead. He looks so cute that I grab him, hug him and rock him back and forth like a little baby. He seems to enjoy it. I place him back on the floor and he immediately lies down again. Soon his eyes are closed.

It is now 9:30 in the morning, but I've been awake since 5 am, even though I slept around 2 am. This is how I am when I get addicted to something, more specifically, some kind of game. I turn back to my game and take on a different tactic than the last n times. My aunt has just been outside doing whatever and passes in front of me again, asking if I ate already. I tell her I'm not hungry because I finished the half-eaten Pringles I found lying around the computer (probably my brother's but I'm sure he won't mind heehee). I take a sip from my mug of iced Coke. During these addictive moments I also tend to forget how to eat healthy. My brother bustles around the house wearing a nurse's uniform, grabbing his other paraphernalia and as usual, looking for his wallet. He takes one look at me and my bloodshot eyes and widens his already large eyes "Grabe ka na! Anong oras ka natulog?" I yawn and shrug, I know the answer but I think it's sort of a rhetorical question so I just say "Haahaa." He asks again, "Natapos ba yung MP niyo?". Still staring at the screen and playing I answer "Oo kahapon napass na." Right after finishing a bunch of projects, I usually tend to do this. I over-compensate by indulging in my addictions. After he leaves with my aunt the house is pretty silent. My dad comes and goes, flipping on the TV to check for anything good, but he also leaves after awhile. It's Saturday but it seems everyone has plans in mind except me. Or at least, just for a couple of hours more until I'm done with the game.

After a few more war scenes I notice that it's already 11:30 am and that I'm getting a sort-of game-playing marathon headache. I reluctantly turn off the computer and lie down in my half-orange, half beige room for around 30 minutes. Nani (our helper) comes around and asks me what I want for lunch. I say I'm going out. She says okay and sits on the sofa in the inner living room, playing with BoomBoom while watching TV. After awhile I call Jace, my boyfriend. I hold the phone mouthpiece with my thumb and index finger because if I don't it makes an irritating sound. "Hello pwede po kay Jace?", "Sino?" I roll my eyes at myself "Ay, pwede po kay Jay-ar?" "Ah sandali lang." After a few moments I hear Jace's sleepy voice on the line, he muffles a yawn "Hello?" "Elo! So ano gagawin natin today?" "Dunno", he answers, obviously still a little sleepy. "Kakagising mo lang?" "Yup, kaw?" "Kanina pako gising naglaro ako ng Fire Emblem eh hehehe.." "Want watch muvi?", he asks. "Oki. What time tayo magkikita?" "Dunno, mga 2:30 sa Greenwich?" He means the Greenwich in Sta. Lucia mall. "Okay! Ligo nako." "Oki bye." I put down the phone and take a bath. After I'm ready it's a long hot walk to Tandang Sora and I contemplate actually riding a jeep this time. It's too hot. I can't. I flag down a taxi and tell the driver where I'm going. Thank goodness the airconditioning is good. I wipe off a few beads of sweat and relish the cool AC air. After awhile I realize I don't have any change so I ask the guy "May barya ho kayo sa five hundred?" He nods yes and I immediately feel better. Some drivers would bite my head off. The worst is when they call me "Iha" like some high school kid who has no idea what she's doing. I meet up with Jace and we take note of the movie time. We decide to eat at Tokyo Tokyo right before the movie because we have some time to spare and we're both famished. As we get up to leave he looks back at the table and sees that I left my wallet. He quickly grabs it without me seeing. After passing a couple of stores I dig in my bag and say "Nyek wallet ko!" He makes this weird sort of comedic Oh no! face and grabs my wallet from his pocket and gives it back to me. I grin sheepishly and put it back in my bag. Another victory for the wallet-losing queen. While we're watching the movie my back unfailingly starts to irritate me and I sit forward with my elbows on my kees and my fingers clasped in front. Jace abruptly starts to pound at my back, pretty used to my backaches by now. My cellphone starts vibrating and I check the message. It's Steph. "Pst san k?" She asks. I txt back "Nsa Stalu. Nood kme ni Jace. Eastwud ka? gs2 mo magkita?" She answers "Yup. Txt mo naman si Shelly. La nako batt." I text Mshel and she quickly answers "Pde ako pero near UP lang coz I have a meeting until 6:00 pm :S" So we all decide to meet up at Mocha Blends. Of course, insensitive girl that I am, I only tell Jace about the plans AFTER agreeing to them. Thankfully, he's pretty understanding and says it's no problem. After the movie we take a taxi to Mocha Blends. We are the first ones there so I order a mocha drink and we talk while waiting for everyone. Steph arrives and happily greets us "Elo!" She starts to tell us her stories for the week and we laugh and comment about them. It takes awhile before Shelly joins us. We bitch about her being too straight-laced about her extra curricular activities. As usual she only smiles sheepishly and launches into her own set of stories. We talk well into the night, ordering our favorite "Chicken Ala King" and eating as we do so. After that Jace and I take a taxi to my house. As we pay the driver we see BoomBoom hanging out at the bench outside our house. I call him "Boomy!" and Nani says "O sino yon BoomBoom?" At first Boomy's a little hesitant but walks over to me anyway. I pet him and we head into the house for a nightcap consisting of me bitching about my last battle in "Fire Emblem" and Jace giving me tips on how to finish the next ones.

After we say goodnight and I ask him to take care, I go to the computer and turn it on. I'm pretty beat so I decide not to play and turn it off again. As I walk to my room my aunt asks me a buncha questions that I absentmindedly answer coz I'm pretty tired. She makes a comment about dinner and some food she brought home. I say "WOW!" (my usual reaction to yummy take-home desserts) and I tell her I'll eat it tomorrow. She is watching Will and Grace so I hang around for awhile to laugh at some of the jokes. I then get in my room and lie down, falling asleep instantly. I had a nice day.

Stupid Connection

2005-09-07T12:11:00.000-04:00

Google wasn't down I'm sorry. Our connection was just sort of busted. When I restarted the modem and router everything went back to normal.

I can finally read my 33 emails hahaha.

I am SUCH a TV addict right now.. My latest shows are Monk and House ( I love this one it's like Chandler meets super-smart doctor ). Alas, IF I get a job soon I'm gonna have to setup a very accurate TIVO schedule otherwise I'm gonna miss some of my shows, most of which start this fall which include (by order of interest):

1. The OC

- I don't know why I like this one best. It's about a boy from the wrong side of the tracks adopted by one of the richest families in Orange County. He ends up bunking in their pool house and falling in love with the girl next door. It's very teen-angst-y. I probably like it because it's reminiscent of the Filipino soap-opera underdog, which I have to admit I've always been into.

2. Desperate Housewives

- This one is somewhat "Sex and the Suburbs" for those who were fans of SATC. The difference is that this one has an overall, season-embracing plot. In Filipino, "kailangan subaybayan". There are four housewives (counting the ones that are alive) Susan (Teri Hatcher's character) still reminds me of Lois Lane in this one except that she ditched the strong 'I have to be on top' personality and left in the klutz, investigative reporter, and crazy-in-love parts. Bree lives in a SO-not-perfect world with a husband who has bouts of S&M cravings and heart attacks, and a gay son. She STILL tries to make it perfect through gourmet meals, spotless counters and a beautiful lawn. Gabby (Eva Longoria) is just SO turn-me-into-a-lesbian sexy. Lynette's life is pretty interesting with the out of control kids and her constant dream of coming back to the corporate world.

3. CSI

-I think everyone knows what CSI is about. I just have to say my two favorite character here are Grissom and Warrick (whose name I thought was Work or Worm until I saw it spelled out in season 1 I think).

4. Smallville

-I've always loved Superman/Clark Kent. No other reason needed but that! And I just have to say that when I read a comment about it from someone on the internet saying they just copied Roswell I was like 'HELLO?! Do you even have a brain?' Hahaha.

5. House

-As I said, it's Chandler meets super-smart doctor. Sarcastic, funny, and interesting.

6. Monk

-The various references in this show to 'Sherlock Holmes' are quite on the money. I've read volumes 1 and 2 of Mr. Holmes's adventures several number of times now and this show really reminds me of how Sherlock Holmes cases more than CSI ever did. Probably coz of all the weird walking around the rooms and the lengthy summaries at the end in which people get mesmerized by the wonders of observation and deduction. Three major differences of course are that #1) Monk is an obsessive compulsive while Holmes is quite a messy guy #2) Holmes's assistant is usually Dr. Watson and of course Monk has had two pretty women as assistants. #3) Holmes is very active, even doing some of the criminal-chasing HAPPILY while Monk is somewhat incapacitated by his phobias of heights germs and whatnot.

7. So You Think You Can Dance

-It's American Idol about dancing. Heehee.

8. 24 (starts in January)

-Jack Bauer and his stress induced squint. Heehee. An agent of the Counter-Terrorism-Unit tries to save the world in a day. He's done it 4 times to date.

Google-Sick

2005-09-03T22:24:00.000-04:00

OMG! Google has been down for the entire day. I don't know if this is true but for the entire day I couldn't check my mail and couldn't load the search site.. It's pushed me to use Yahoo! for the entire day. Believe me the results weren't as good.. Google where are you?!

Whoopee

2005-09-02T23:01:00.000-04:00

Today I made a major accomplishment.

As I reached for the plug to turn on my night lamp, I found a huge spider hanging around right near the outlet. Big day for spiders and my family, my sister smacked one hanging from her sunshade as she was driving. I however, wasn't as brave for as most people already know, I hate creepy crawlers. So I took a thick book and threw it at the spider. Thankfully, I'm a better shot than I thought.

Anime Freak

2005-08-31T22:05:00.000-04:00

I haven't been posting lately.. I guess I've just been busy living vicariously through cartoon characters. Plus it's boring when a CERTAIN SOMEONE can't go online. Hihihi. So to anyone who might actually be checking my blog, sorry!

Memoirs of a Quitter

2005-08-24T00:20:00.000-04:00

For several days now I've been having these really annoying, splitting headaches that last for several hours. Hours in which it is virtually impossible to get any work done, considering most of the progress I need to make require reading a 1000+ page book, coding, and debugging (which of course, need to be done facing my very reliable if somewhat moody laptop). During these times, when I try to work it feels as if my eyes are about to pop out of my head and my brain is doing backflips. I had no idea what was going on with me. I sometimes felt feverish, but it turned out I had no real fever whatsoever. So what is it?

I suddenly figured out while discussing at the dinner table today with my sister and Joe... that it's my caffeine addiction patiently reminding me through every throb of my head that I've been going without caffeine for several days. And the weird thing is that I never really realized how addicted I was. I didn't even really crave caffeine, I just felt really sick. So I guess my body and my perception are really seeing two different things. Anyways, good thing I had a diet coke to drink for dinner. ;p

Still sick..

2005-08-22T21:17:00.000-04:00

There are just days when you feel useless, and crappy, and hopeless.

This is one of those days for me.

I hope that I feel better by the end of the week, physically, emotionally and spiritually, because... I HAVE TO.